Thursday, September 13, 2018

AGING BABY BOOMERS CHOOSE BUDDIES, NOT FRIENDS

WELCOME TO BABY BOOMER MEMOS
BLOG #50
AGING BABY BOOMERS CHOOSE BUDDIES, NOT FRIENDS

Immediately after Baby Boomers update relationship criteria and de-clutter relationship closets, we glow with enthusiastic optimism. Boomers are grateful if one or two quality friends are still in our lives and anticipate adding new ones who match our requirements.

Then, reality sinks in and optimism morphs into frustrated pessimism. Why? Although our closets are nearly empty, we can't seem to muster the energy (motivation) to put in the effort (time) to re-fill them. And, although we're grateful if we still have a couple of friends, more and more boomers have lost the patience to deal with drama-fueled friend rules.

In light of those factors, there is an easier way to replenish closets. Fill the empty slots with buddy relationships. Ideal buddies are individuals who do not fulfill current requirements but match enough of them to become congenial 'playmates.'

Once boomers get used to the switch from friends to buddies, most of us enjoy the ease of relaxed, light-hearted, drama-free companionship.

NOTE
If Baby Boomers are able to limit expectations, buddy relationships will thrive. The key is recognizing where our interests coincide with each buddy, without seeking or expecting more. Doing so avoids disappointment and frustration.

STAY TUNED
Boomers Revive Old Friendships ...

CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:    drwendykyman@gmail.com 


Thursday, September 6, 2018

AGING BABY BOOMERS SEARCH FOR NEW FRIENDSHIPS

WELCOME TO BABY BOOMER MEMOS
BLOG #49
AGING BABY BOOMERS SEARCH FOR NEW FRIENDSHIPS

At first, Baby Boomers' newly de-cluttered relationship closets may feel too empty. Then we realize, clutter-free closets create room to invite a fresh crop of people into our lives. Sounds promising ... until ... boomers ask: Is it possible to find new BFFs (Best Friends Forever) to accompany us on the journey into old age?

Frankly, it is possible but not very probable. Why? As age increases, opportunities to form close friendships decrease - or so it seems. If older boomers are presented with opportunities, compared to when we were younger, friendships are slower to develop.

Building and then maintaining close bonds requires us to flex creaky social-skills muscles and make, what feels like, an enormous effort. If we do not apply sufficient effort, or pay enough attention, potential relationships fade away. How exhausting.

NOTE
Let's admit two bizarre (for us) truths. Many older Baby Boomers (1) have nestled into cozy cocoons and, therefore, (2) have grown reluctant to open our lives to unfamiliar people. Gasp!
Does this mean the unimaginable has happened? Has aging caused boomers to become guarded and cautious? Have we lost our youthful audacious, adventurous spirt? Hmmm ... maybe just a tiny bit???

STAY TUNED
Boomers Choose Buddies, Not Friends ...

CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:  drwendykyman@gmail.com



Thursday, August 30, 2018

AGING BABY BOOMERS DE-CLUTTER RELATIONSHIP CLOSETS

WELCOME TO BABY BOOMER MEMOS
BLOG #48
AGING BABY BOOMERS DE-CLUTTER RELATIONSHIP CLOSETS

When Baby Boomers de-clutter relationship closets, we unearth people who do not fit our updated criteria, i.e. traits we deem essential for the journey into old age. Oh-oh!

Is it cruel to detach from people we have outgrown, as if they are pieces of worn-out clothing that no longer fit? Cruel or not, de-cluttering is a natural part of aging. All Baby Boomers are doing it, or will do it.

As boomers accept (sort of) our mortality, we acknowledge (kind of) that our life-clocks are ticking; time is slipping away. Wise boomers maximize whatever time remains by enhancing our lives in every way possible. One way is choosing quality relationships and disengaging from those that aren't.

NOTE
Beware of the outrageous possibility that people may detach from us because we no longer fit their updated relationship criteria. How dare they!

STAY TUNED
Boomers Search For New Friendships ...

CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:   drwendykyman@gmail.com

Thursday, August 23, 2018

AGING BABY BOOMERS EVALUATE RELATIONSHIPS

WELCOME TO BABY BOOMER MEMOS
BLOG #46
AGING BABY BOOMERS EVALUATE RELATIONSHIPS

If Baby Boomers view relationships through the aging-wisdom lens, we are able to accurately identify those that enhance and enrich our lives. This ability comes in handy when we choose who will accompany us on the journey into old age.

Before making irrevocable decisions, some boomers do formal evaluations to double-check accuracy. Why not give it a try?
The following is one example of a formal relationship evaluation.

(1) Write down a list of essential relationship criteria. Itemize, then prioritize, e.g. mutual love, honesty, trust, reciprocity, respect, kindness, open communication, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.

(2) Write down a list of every friend, associate, acquaintance, and romantic partner/s. (Unsurprisingly, family is an entirely separate subject.)

(3) Match names with essential criteria. Although one glance provides adequate evidence, compile two written lists; one composed of those who meet all or most criteria and another composed of those who do not.

(4) It is decision time. Are you prepared to let go of relationships that do not meet essential criteria? Are you willing to make exceptions? Who gets exemptions? Why?

NOTE
Quality relationships enrich Baby Boomers' lives and enhance wellbeing.
Negative relationships damage lives and diminish wellbeing.
Easy choice!

STAY TUNED
Boomers Analyze Relationship Choices ...

CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:   drwendykyman@gmail.com

Thursday, August 16, 2018

AGING BABY BOOMERS EVALUATE RELATIONSHIPS

WELCOME TO BABY BOOMER MEMOS
BLOG #46
AGING BABY BOOMERS EVALUATE RELATIONSHIPS

When Baby Boomers view relationships through the aging-wisdom lens, we are able to accurately identify those that enhance and enrich our lives. This ability comes in handy when we choose who will accompany us on the journey into old age.

Before making irrevocable decisions, some boomers do formal evaluations to double-check accuracy. Why not give it a try?

The following is one example of a formal relationship evaluation.
Hint: Written responses are encouraged. Writing boosts the thought process and also provides a record for future review.

(1) Compile a list of essential relationship criteria. Itemize, then prioritize, e.g. mutual love, honesty, trust, reciprocity, respect, kindness, open communication, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.

(2) Compile a list of every friend, associate, acquaintance, and romantic partner(s). (Unsurprising, family is an entirely separate subject.)

(3) Match names with essential criteria. Although one glance provides clear-cut evidence, compile two lists; one composed of those who meet all or most criteria and another of those who do not.

(4) It is decision time. Are you willing to let go of all relationships that do not meet essential criteria? Are you willing to make exceptions. Who gets exemptions? Why?

NOTE
Quality relationships enrich Baby Boomers lives and enhance wellbeing.
Negative relationships damage lives and diminish wellbeing.
Easy choice!

STAY TUNED
Boomers Analyze Relationship Choices ...

CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:  drwendykyman@gmail.com

Thursday, August 9, 2018

AGING BABY BOOMERS ASK FOR (DEMAND) RECIPROCAL RELATIONSHIPS

WELCOME TO BABY BOOMER MEMOS
BLOG #45
AGING BABY BOOMERS ASK FOR (DEMAND) RECIPROCAL RELATIONSHIPS

Baby Boomers are observing that the older we get, the less likely we are to accept lack of reciprocity in relationships. Our patience for lopsided compromising, appeasing, and accommodating has run out. Enough is enough!

Reciprocity denotes equal give-and-take. We concede on various disputed issues and our romantic partners and friends acquiesce on others. Over the course of time, not simultaneously, concessions mostly even out.

So, what happens when boomers ask for (demand) reciprocity in relationships?
We will encounter a broad range of resistance and turmoil. Resistance typically ranges from mild complaints to bitter resentment; turmoil typically ranges from constant conflicts to breakups.
What happens next is deciding whether to stay resolute or to withdraw demands. 

NOTE
As many Baby Boomers already have experienced, there are individuals in our lives who will agree to full reciprocity but do not follow through - as if we won't notice. Yes we do!

STAY TUNED
Boomers Evaluate Relationships ...

CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:   drwendykyman@gmail.com

Thursday, August 2, 2018

ARE AGING BABY BOOMERS WILLING TO COMPROMISE?

WELCOME TO BABY BOOMER MEMOS
BLOG #44
ARE AGING BABY BOOMERS WILLING TO COMPROMISE?

At this point in Baby Boomers' lives, patience for drama has waned as desire for harmony has waxed. Indeed!

Compromise plays a huge role in reducing drama and achieving harmony. Duh!
Compromise is an essential ingredient in creating and sustaining happy, fulfilling relationships. Yet, it does not guarantee 100% drama-free harmony. Double Duh!!

Then again, the older we get, the tougher it is to make concessions. Then again, boomers are astute enough to know we cannot always get our way. Triple Duh!!!
Then again, why continue to be involved in relationships that require compromises we no longer want to make?

NOTE
Quality relationships are precious, but they require effort. As Baby Boomers are discovering, we have to decide who in our current lives is worth the effort. Yup. It is decision time.

STAY TUNED
Boomers Ask For (Demand) Reciprocal Relationships ...

CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:     drwendykyman@gmail.com

Thursday, July 26, 2018

AGING BABY BOOMERS REMARRY

AGING BABY BOOMERS REMARRY

Many formerly divorced and widowed Baby Boomers are in second (third, fourth ...) marriages. The status of these unions runs the gamut from divine to debacle. Predictably, varied reasons are cited as causes for disparate results.

One of the major reasons for divine second marriages is supportive families and friends who root for these relationships to flourish and graciously welcome new mates into their social circles. Yay!

In contrast, one of the major reasons for doomed second marriages is family, mostly offspring from previous unions, who pump up tension by denouncing our new mates and undermining our new marriages. 

Boomers expect a bit of opposition from still-living-at-home youngsters who are directly affected by household changes. We are blindsided when serious opposition comes from our independent adult children, particularly if they have spouses and children of their own and/or live far away and rarely visit us.
In worst-case scenarios, unrelenting family pressures tear apart nascent marital bonds. Boo!

NOTE
Baby Boomer second marriages have higher success rates when spouses pledge to be cordial to each other's children and to MYOB (mind your own business). Patience, patience, and more patience.  
Not surprisingly, lots of boomers tell adult children to MTOB (mind their own business). Good luck with that.

STAY TUNED
Are Boomers Willing To Compromise ...

CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:      drwendykyman@gmail.com

Thursday, July 19, 2018

AGING BABY BOOMERS SHATTER DATING & MARRIAGE TRADITIONS

WELCOME TO BABY BOOMER MEMOS
BLOG #42
AGING BABY BOOMERS SHATTER DATING AND MARRIAGE TRADITIONS

Long, long ago when first-wave Baby Boomers learned relationship ground rules, girls were coached to date and marry up. This was construed as women should set our sights on men who were not only older but also taller, more educated, had 'superior' career status and higher salaries. In hindsight, it is appalling that most of us didn't challenge with: 'Stop the nonsense. If women focus up, does it not imply that men should aim their focus down? Hindsight!!!

Historically, a minority of women did date and marry younger men. The significant increase in these relationships has been credited to midpoint boomers who were instrumental in toppling gender-based age-boundaries. One outcome - insulting to some, a badge of honor to others - older women are labeled: 'cougars;' younger men are: 'cubs.'

By the way: Midpointers also played a huge role in smashing gender-based disparities in education and career opportunities, and more. Impressive accomplishments.

Last-wave boomers have disregarded just about all dating, relationship, marriage traditions. In this, and other ways, last-wavers have made substantial contributions to 'The Baby Boomer Catalogue of Rebellious Acts' . 

NOTE
Anecdotal evidence suggests that age discrepancies also exist in homosexual relationships. Up-to-date comprehensive empirical research on this topic, as well as overall LBGT dating patterns, is needed.

STAY TUNED
Boomers Remarry ...

CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:     drwendykyman@gmail.com

Thursday, July 12, 2018

DO AGING SINGLE BABY BOOMERS REALLY KNOW OUR DATES?

WELCOME TO BABY BOOMER MEMOS
BLOG #41
DO AGING BABY BOOMERS REALLY KNOW OUR DATES?

Even if it has been decades since newly-single Baby Boomers last dated, everyone recollects the getting-acquainted stage of dating. Some memories are sweet; others we rather not remember.

In the here-and-now, new singles face different choices than we did when younger. During the getting-acquainted stage we now have to choose which portions of our extensive life histories to share with dates, and which to edit. Seems reasonable until we realize, despite charming flirtations and engaging conversations, our dates are also editing. 
Then, curiosity takes hold: "What are they concealing?"

Dating boomers are advised to balance a respect for privacy with the itch to know everything. Isn't it strange that our balance gets a bit wobbly as we get older? And, when have The Baby Boomers actually followed advice? 

Experienced daters have learned there is no defined timetable for mutual disclosure of unedited personal details. So, what do we do? 

NOTE
Savvy Baby Boomers view dating as an interview process. After a few lighthearted get-togethers, if commonsense and aging wisdom signal potential for a serious relationship, these boomers intensify the interviews. 

Tech-proficient boomers scour familiar and obscure online sites to uncover relevant information. Be prepared for the boomerang effect. Ouch!

Suspicious boomers begin with the savvy and tech approaches but add extremely in-depth background searches, (almost) sure potential relationship partners are hiding sordid pasts. Suspicious affluent boomers hire private detectives to conduct investigations. Those without extra funds, rely on DIY tactics.
Would you? How would you react to being investigated?

STAY TUNED
Boomers Shatter Dating Traditions ...

CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:    drwendykyman@gmail.com

Thursday, July 5, 2018

NEWLY-SINGLE BABY BOOMERS TAKE AGING BODIES ON DATES

WELCOME TO BABY BOOMER MEMOS
BLOG #40
NEWLY-SINGLE BABY BOOMERS TAKE AGING BODIES ON DATES

Long-married Baby Boomers regularly comment on one another's escalating 'brain meltdowns' (memory/communication blunders). Conversely, spouses are somewhat reticent to verbally acknowledge each other's conspicuous physical changes (weight gain, wrinkles, crinkles, sags, and bags). For now, this is how couples are growing old, together.

Single Baby Boomers meet potential romantic partners when we are ... ummmm ... already old

When recent singles imagine future romantic intimacy, too many feel timid and apprehensive about baring aging bodies to new lovers - even though we supposedly know beauty is superficial. Interestingly, anxiety about our aging minds is secondary, or barely worrisome.

At this stage of life, finding - and being - a thoughtful, kind, jovial, companionable mate is way more important than superficial looks. Right?

FOOD FOR THOUGHT 
~ Potential paramours our age have similar body-image insecurities. Boomers who choose to date younger people, well...
~ Prudent singles delay romantic intimacy until comfortable, secure, trustworthy connections have been established.
~ Humor melts awkwardness. Have fun.

NOTE
While mutual attraction is essential for romantic intimacy, it is based on idiosyncratic special somethings, not classic beauty. In fact, physical appearance is not a determinant factor in steamy, sizzling sexual relationships. Ooo-La-La!!!

STAY TUNED
Do Boomers Really Know Our Dates ...

CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:   drwendykyman@gmail.com









Thursday, June 28, 2018

AGING BABY BOOMERS LEARN 21st CENTURY DATING RULES

WELCOME TO BABY BOOMER MEMOS
BLOG #39
AGING BABY BOOMERS LEARN 21st CENTURY DATING RULES

Every decade of a monogamous marriage adds ten additional layers of rust on unused dating skills. No big deal ... until those marriages end and the now-single Baby Boomers want to re-enter the dating game.

Before re-entry, accumulated rust has to be scrubbed away. After scrubbing is done, there's another chore: adjusting our mindsets to 21st century dating rules, i.e. arbitrary guidelines, conventional etiquette, codes of 'proper behavior', et al. Whew!

Let's reminisce about 20th century rules - way, way back in time when formerly long-married boomers last dated and gender roles were definitively detailed. Accordingly, men initiated everything, from first dates (that they paid for) to marriage proposals. Women waited for landline phones to ring and either said 'yes' or 'no' to men's invitations. Do we still think those were 'the good old days?'

Boomers who are skilled in 21st century dating give mostly positive reviews. Overall, men feel a sense of relief. They applaud women making the first moves and appreciate their sharing costs of dates. Increasingly, boomer women 'enjoy the power' of initiating - when our overtures are accepted. We are not fond of rejections. Who is?

NOTE
Generally speaking, homosexual dating rules have always been more egalitarian than heterosexual rules.

STAY TUNED
Newly-Single Boomers Take Aging Bodies On Dates ...

CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:   drwendykyman@gmail.com




Thursday, June 21, 2018

AGING BABY BOOMERS LEARN 21st CENTURY DATING RULES

WELCOME TO BABY BOOMER MEMOS
BLOG #39
AGING BABY BOOMERS LEARN 21st CENTURY DATING RULES

Every decade of a monogamous marriage produces layers of rust on unused dating skills. Not a concern ... until those marriages end and newly-single Baby Boomers want to get back into the dating game.

To start, accumulated rust has to be scrubbed away. After the scrubbing is done, we have to learn 21st century dating rules. Whew!

Let's reminisce about 20th century rules - way, way back when formerly long-married boomers last dated. Then, men initiated everything from first dates (that they paid for) to marriage proposals. Women waited for landline, corded phones to ring and either said 'yes' or 'no' to invitations. Do we still think those were 'the good old days?'

Boomers who are skilled in 21st century dating give mostly positive reviews. Overall, men feel a sense of relief. They applaud women making the first moves and appreciate their sharing costs of dates. Increasingly, boomer women enjoy 'the power' of initiating - when our overtures are accepted. We are not fond of rejections. Who is?

NOTE
Generally speaking, homosexual dating rules have always been more egalitarian than heterosexual rules.

STAY TUNED
Newly-Single Boomers Take Aging Bodies On Dates ...

CONTACT INFORMATION
Email: drwendykyman@gmail.com 

Thursday, June 14, 2018

AGING BABY BOOMERS LEAP INTO REPLACEMENT RELATIONSHIPS

WELCOME TO BABY BOOMER MEMOS
BLOG #38
AGING BABY BOOMERS LEAP INTO REPLACEMENT RELATIONSHIPS

Baby Boomers know a lot. Just about all of us know several boomers who were recently widowed or divorced. We probably all know at least one who made the speedy leap into a replacement relationship. And, we all know leaps, more often than not, are frantic efforts to fill the void left by lost mates.

Mental health professionals advise those who are recently widowed and divorced to spend a full year adjusting to life without long-term partners. During this time, no life-changing decisions should be made - romantic or otherwise. 

Most boomers agree, in theory. However, in practice, quite a few new singles start serious romantic involvements before a year is up.

Depending on circumstances, it may be okay to forgo the wait. What is not okay (potentially disastrous) is doing so because we're desperate to avoid being alone.

NOTE
All too often replacement relationships are attempts to bypass the panic and pain of losing partners. Regrettably, the attempts are futile. There is no magic detour away from grief. If only there were.

STAY TUNED
Boomers Learn 21st Century Dating Skills ...

CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:              drwendykyman@gmail.com





Thursday, June 7, 2018

AGING BABY BOOMERS FORGIVE

WELCOME TO BABY BOOMER MEMOS
BLOG #37
AGING BABY BOOMERS FORGIVE

Baby Boomers who have been betrayed must forgive...ourselves.
Too many of us do the opposite; we attack ourselves.

Attacks often materialize as self-blaming rants that repeatedly play on our inner soundtracks. One common rant accuses: 'Why didn't we safeguard ourselves from being betrayed, and from betrayers?'

Preliminary answers emerge when boomers take a step back and objectively look at the totality of our circumstances at the time of betrayals. What information was available to us? Did we have supportive helping hands and resources to lift us out of our situations. Were we unwittingly following a pattern of learned behaviors?
Et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.

Forgiving ourselves is the epitome of forgiveness. The path to self-forgiveness begins by replacing internal scolding with internal (and external) nurturance, and exchanging self-blame for self-compassion. Add heaps of self-love alongside profound gratitude for what we have overcome.

NOTE
Stumbling blocks litter the self-forgiveness path. It's easy to stumble when coming across the formidable block that inspects Baby Boomers' roles in relationship betrayals. Uh-oh! Hold on tight. 


STAY TUNED
Boomers Leap Into Replacement Relationships ...

CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:             drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook:       facebook.com/Baby Boomer Memos

Thursday, May 31, 2018

WELCOME TO BABY BOOMER MEMOS
BLOG #36
AGING BABY BOOMERS RECOVER FROM BETRAYAL

A number of Baby Boomers are currently experiencing the fierce pain of betrayal. The rest of us vividly recall past painful experiences, although the sting is (mostly) long gone. Betrayals manifest in assorted ways, but the types that destroy romantic liaisons and friendships (e.g. infidelity, deception) are particularly brutal.

Healing from betrayal is a delicate process that requires self-awareness and blunt honesty, in order to gain insights into our motives and actions during relationships. Yes. The healing process puts the focus on us, not the betrayers.

Self-awareness and blunt honesty are powerful eye-openers. For example, were we really clueless, truly blindsided by betrayals? Or, did we have legitimate suspicions but, for various reasons, chose to quash them? What were those reasons? Powerful eye-openers, for sure!

NOTE
When boomers are betrayed, trust gets shattered ... and we feel shattered. Essential steps in the healing process are relearning self-trust and restoring self-confidence. Together, they boost our belief that from now on we will be discerning when selecting with whom to form new intimate bonds. Thankfully, Baby Boomers' aging wisdom gives us a head start.

STAY TUNED
Boomers Forgive ...

CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:             drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook:       facebook.com/baby boomer memos


Thursday, May 24, 2018

WELCOME TO BABY BOOMER MEMOS
BLOG #35
NEWLY-SINGLE BABY BOOMERS MAKE LIFE ADJUSTMENTS

When Baby Boomers become newly single, by choice or circumstance, our rational minds know there is a period of adjustment. What we don't know, and can't know, is how long the adjustment will take. It is impossible to predict.

Also impossible to predict is how we will adjust to single status, even if it was our choice to end marriages, even if we methodically prepared. The unexpected always happens.

Needless to say, becoming suddenly single due to unplanned circumstances, i.e. sudden death of spouse or unanticipated divorce, renders us unprepared for living solo. Although it is an uphill climb, the majority of boomers successfully adjust, albeit with lingering heartache.

NOTE
No surprise. Baby Boomers who ride the emotional rollercoaster of sudden singledom to favorable outcomes credit supportive families and friends.

STAY TUNED
Boomers Leap Into Replacement Relationships ...

CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:          drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook:    facebook.com/Baby Boomer Memos


Thursday, May 17, 2018

WIDOWED AND DIVORCED AGING BABY BOOMERS ARE SUDDENLY-SINGLE

WELCOME TO BABY BOOMER MEMOS
BLOG #34
WIDOWED AND DIVORCED AGING BABY BOOMERS ARE SUDDENLY-SINGLE

Recently widowed and divorced Baby Boomers learn, rather quickly, that there is no seamless transition out of long relationships and into singledom.

As expected, widowed boomers cope with feeling disoriented, dislocated, and grief-stricken. Widows receive outpourings of support, compassion, and sympathy. The same applies to boomers whose spouses abandon them and also to those who escape abusive, addicted, and/or unfaithful partners.

It is a different story for Baby Boomers who instigate divorces due to reasons judged, by others, as unacceptable. Although these new singles experience a measure of emotional fallout that accompanies all breakups, they rarely garner much support, compassion, and sympathy. Should they?

NOTE
Time does not totally heal all who need healing. However, time does provide a pause to step-by-shaky step gather strength, rebuild stability, and begin the process of adapting to life without a mate.

STAY TUNED
Newly-Single Boomers Make Adjustments  ...

CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:              drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook:        facebook.com/Baby Boomer Memos




Thursday, May 10, 2018

WELCOME TO BABY BOOMER MEMOS
BLOG #33
AGING BABY BOOMERS TRY DIVORCE ALTERNATIVES

In lieu of divorce, unhappily married Baby Boomers are trying out alternatives.

If we peek inside one popular alternative, appearances belie reality. To the casual observer, a couple appears to be together. They reside in the same home, share finances, as well as jointly celebrate family occasions and special holidays - more or less amiably.

In actuality, spouses live independent lives, sleep in separate bedrooms, communicate only when necessary, and are never romantically intimate.

NOTE
This alternative works best for affluent Baby Boomer couples who are able to afford houses large enough to divide into two distinct sections. Clearly, it is a challenge for couples with modest incomes and small living quarters to create separate spaces.

STAY TUNED
Newly-Single Boomers ...

CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:             drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook:       facebook.com/Baby Boomer Memos


Thursday, May 3, 2018

WELCOME TO BABY BOOMER MEMOS
BLOG #32
GREY DIVORCE UNSETTLES AGING BABY BOOMERS

Like it or not, the term 'grey divorce' (aka 'silver divorce') has made its way into contemporary jargon to symbolize Baby Boomers' sky-high divorce rates.

Plentiful theories assign plentiful reasons for boomers' plentiful divorces. A primary one suggests longevity plays a major role in marriage breakups.

Boomers are living longer than previous generations. This positive statistic is juxtaposed with the budding sense of personal mortality. Time is a dwindling commodity. Divorce is a reaction to the irresistible pressure to maximize whatever time is left, free from the constraints of marriage.

NOTE
This blunt statement is one Baby Boomer's rationale.
"My 70th birthday was the expiration date on a long, oppressive marriage. I redeemed the imaginary 'get out of jail card' and divorced so I can live in peace for however many years remain for me."
Is this an acceptable rationale or self-indulgent excuse or ... ?

STAY TUNED
Boomers Choose Divorce Alternatives ...

CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:             drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook:       facebook.com/Baby Boomer Memos


Thursday, April 26, 2018

DO AGING BABY BOOMERS THINK FOREVER IS TOO LONG?

WELCOME TO BABY BOOMER MEMOS
BLOG #31
DO AGING BABY BOOMERS THINK FOREVER IS TOO LONG?

Once upon a time, married Baby Boomers took vows to forever love, honor, and stay wedded to our spouses. Way back when those vows were made, we believed our mutual devotion would be everlasting. Remember?

With age, more and more boomers cannot fathom making life-long commitments to anyone - or anything. The jaded among us wonder whether youthful beliefs in eternal love and commitment can be blamed on immature foolishness, inexperienced naivete, innocent optimism, or ... ?

These jaded boomers attend weddings and cringe when starry-eyed couples, in their twenties, promise forever. A few want to shout out, 'Stop. You are too young to promise your life away.'

NOTE
Case in point is a 71 year-old Baby Boomer who lamented, 'I took my marriage vows at 22. How was I supposed to know forever would last this long? Ouch!

STAY TUNED
Grey Divorce Unsettles Boomers ...

CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:              drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook:        facebook.com/Baby Boomer Memos 




Thursday, April 19, 2018

UNHAPPILY-MARRIED AGING BABY BOOMERS

WELCOME TO BABY BOOMER MEMOS
BLOG #30
UNHAPPILY-MARRIED AGING BABY BOOMERS

It's not a news flash to report that countless Baby Boomers are in unhappy, unfulfilling marriages.
It is informative, though, to report the main factors that induce boomers to remain married ... unhappily ever after.

Standard Justifications: Children still live at home, financial concerns, religious beliefs, wedding vows are sacred, et al.

A Prevalent Excuse: Aging boomers are too set in our ways to disrupt familiar lifestyles. Long-time couples stay married to avoid the difficult adjustments that follow breakups. In other words, inertia has set in.

A Deep-Seated and Often Unacknowledged Reason: The fear of being alone.

NOTE
The Paradox: Baby Boomers (and others) who are convinced that being in relationships is preferable to being alone, complain they feel alone and lonely in those relationships.

STAY TUNED
Boomers Think Forever Is Too Long ...

CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:              drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook:        facebook.com/Baby Boomer Memos 

Thursday, April 12, 2018

HAVE LONG-MARRIED BABY BOOMERS LOST THEIR SIZZLE?

WELCOME TO BABY BOOMER MEMOS
BLOG #29
HAVE LONG-MARRIED BABY BOOMERS LOST THEIR SIZZLE?

Are long-married couples romantically intimate? Maybe.
Can faded marital passion be rejuvenated? Possibly.
Does your passion-battery need to be recharged? Uhhhh...perhaps.

Typically, first-wave and midpoint married boomers are either done with, or winding down from, the time and energy-consuming distractions that dampened the sizzling flames of our young marriages - building families and careers. Now if we choose, older healthy boomers are able to commit time and energy to reignite our passion. Yes. It is a choice.

Conversely, most last-wave married boomers are in the midst of hectic, busy lives, i.e. demanding careers, children living at home, elderly parents needing care, et cetera. Naturally, these responsibilities stifle amorous activities - to what extent is also a choice.

NOTE
Needless to say, multiple issues other than distractions factor into Baby Boomers' diminished marital passion and subsequent choices.

STAY TUNED
Unhappily Married Boomers ...

CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:               drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook:         facebook.com/Baby Boomer Memos


Thursday, April 5, 2018

LONG-MARRIED BABY BOOMERS

WELCOME TO BABY BOOMER MEMOS
BLOG #28
LONG-MARRIED BABY BOOMERS

Congratulations to Baby Boomers who have long-standing marriages. In fact, a number of first-wave boomers have celebrated, or are about to celebrate, 50-year golden anniversaries. Wow!

We all are aware that a combination of love, friendship, and laughter are keys to successful marriages. And, we all are impressed if spouses support and respect each other, as well as share common values, interests, and goals.

Boomers give high praise - albeit with a tad of disbelief, a bit of curiosity, and a tinge of envy - to 50-year couples who say they continue to be attracted to, charmed by, and intimate with, each other.

NOTE
In fantasyland, long-married couples live in love-filled, compatible harmony. 
In realville, ... well, you know.

STAY TUNED
Romantic Married Boomers ...

CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:             drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook:       facebook.com/Baby Boomer Memos

Thursday, March 29, 2018

WELCOME TO BABY BOOMER MEMOS
BLOG #27
DATING WHILE EMPTY NESTING, AGING BABY BOOMER STYLE

When adult children leave home to live on their own, Baby Boomers don't immediately celebrate. We usually go through a period of adjustment (mere minutes to few months) before fully enjoying the benefits of empty nests - especially regained privacy and independence.

Single empty nesters appreciate the ability to date and cultivate romantic relationships, free from prying eyes watching our every move. Ummmm ... except if your adult children feel it is their right to meddle and voice opinions, even from afar.

The fiercest responses to meddlesome offspring are summed up by a boomer who unequivocally stated, 'My love-life is none of my children's business and I won't ask their permission to have one.' Definitely fierce.

On the other end of the spectrum are boomers who surrender control to their children, summed up by an empty nester who wept, 'Sure I would like a bit of romance and companionship, but I ended a relationship and gave up dating because it upset my overly protective kids.' Overly protective, or selfish, or ???

Then there are Baby Boomers who reawaken rebellious teenage skills in order to hide forbidden dates. One boomer-teen's justification, 'Sneaking around and having taboo trysts add spicy elements to dating.' Really?

NOTE
Why would grown-up offspring deny their parents the joys of romance and companionship? And, why would Baby Boomer parents allow our children to treat us as if we are the children? Why indeed!

STAY TUNED
Long-married boomers ...

CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:           drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook:     facebook.com/Baby Boomer Memos




Thursday, March 22, 2018

WELCOME TO BABY BOOMER MEMOS
BLOG #26
DATING WHILE PARENTING, AGING BABY BOOMER STYLE

How do last-wave Baby Boomer singles - with youngsters still living at home - find free time for dating and romance? HaHaHa...

Fortunate boomers have families that provide backup. Singles arrange dates to coincide with children's sleepovers at the homes of either the other parents or willing grandparents, aunts, et al. It's a great arrangement - if family members are readily available, actually willing, and truly present in the children's lives. More importantly, if the kids are safe and comfortable.

A practical solution works well for those with or without families. Singles set up sleepover exchanges with a couple of trustworthy single-parent friends or neighbors. 'You take my kids one night and I'll take your kids another night.' It's a good arrangement - if the kids get along (and there's not too many of them). And again, if they are safe and comfortable.

NOTE
Yep.   Both plans forgo spontaneity and ration dating sprees.
Nope. There are no easy or convenient solutions - but as we all know, parenting is not easy or convenient.

STAY TUNED
Empty Nests, Dating, And Aging Boomers 

CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:        drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook:  facebook.com/Baby Boomer Memos

Thursday, March 15, 2018

WELCOME TO BABY BOOMER MEMOS
BLOG #25
AGING BABY BOOMERS HAVE BLIND-DATE NIGHTMARES

Nightmarish blind dates can happen to singles of all ages. A particularly wicked one looms for aging Baby Boomers.

This nightmare unfolds as soon as we catch glimpses of our matches. Not because they are unattractive or unpleasant. It is because they resemble ... our grandparents.

Throughout the date we're distracted by internal chattering, 'Why would our matchmakers think we would be romantically interested in anyone sooooo old?' And, 'Do those setting up the dates see us as that old?' How absurd!

NOTE
The nightmare reaches an appalling climax when Baby Boomers wonder, 'Are our dates' internal chatterings focused on how old we look?' Oh the horrors!!!

STAY TUNED
Dating While Parenting ...

CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:        drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook:  facebook.com/Baby Boomer Memos



                                                       

Thursday, March 8, 2018

WELCOME TO BABY BOOMER MEMOS
BLOG #24
AGING BABY BOOMERS GO ON BLIND DATES


Countless Baby Boomers met (and meet) spouses on blind dates.
Hopeful single boomers go on blind dates wishing for similar results.
Others go just for fun. 

Then again, numerous boomers have given up on blind dates after one too many disappointing matches to incompatible people.  

Rather than give up, let's unravel blind date failures from another angle - the matchmaker angle. Generally speaking, we regularly and mistakenly assume all matchmakers respect our likes and dislikes; they arrange dates accordingly.

In effect, matchmakers are comparable to gift givers. Ideal gift givers hand out presents that suit recipients' tastes, not theirs. In contrast, lousy gift givers hand out presents that suit their tastes, not the recipients. If we substitute matchmakers with gift givers, their roles in successful or botched blind dates are evident. Choose wisely.

NOTE
Baby Boomers wonder whether lousy matchmakers vicariously live out their personal fantasies when they arrange dates. That is, do matchmakers choose whom they would date ... if they could?

STAY TUNED
Boomers Blind Date Nightmares ...

CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:         drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook:   facebook.com/Baby Boomer Memos

Thursday, March 1, 2018

WELCOME TO BABY BOOMER MEMOS
BLOG #23
ARE AGING BABY BOOMER SINGLES TOO OLD TO                                        
                                  DATE?

Are single Baby Boomers too old to date? Nonsense
Who dictates the dating cut-off age? Nobody
How do older singles find dates that lead to romance? Is this a trick question?

No tricks, just reality. With age, the pool of prospective partners shrinks to a puddle, especially for women. Despite the odds, boomers do find romance. How?

Use time-tested, commonsense methods:
~ First, transform reluctance and pessimism into effort and determination.
~ Next, add a huge dose of courage.
~ Then, expand comfort zones - do new things, go new places, and meet new people.
Sheesh!

NOTE
On the whole, Baby Boomers say time-tested, commonsense methods are reasonable. Yet, most agree with the boomer who said, 'Finding suitable dates has become a daunting task, not a fun game.' Many ask, 'What happened to us? We used to be bold, carefree, and adventurous. Did we lose it all to age?'

STAY TUNED
Boomers Go On Blind Dates And ...

CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:           drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook:     facebook.com/Baby Boomer Memos

Thursday, February 22, 2018

WELCOME TO BABY BOOMER MEMOS
BLOG #22
AGING BABY BOOMER SINGLES

Baby Boomer singles who are content living solo lives reject outdated depictions of sad, lonely, pitiful singledom.

Updated depictions reveal inveterate unattached older boomers are hesitant to disrupt their lives in order to adjust to anyone or anything new. And, staunchly independent singles cherish the freedom to do whatever, whenever - without discussions, negotiations, and compromises.

NOTE
None of the above should be interpreted to mean Baby Boomer singles have given up flirtation and romance. Bring it on ... as long as it's cheery, easygoing, and drama-free.

STAY TUNED
Are Boomers Too Old To Date ...

CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:            drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook:      facebook.com/Baby Boomer Memos 

Thursday, February 15, 2018

WELCOME TO BABY BOOMER MEMOS
BLOG #21
AGING BABY BOOMERS AND 21st CENTURY 
                    INFIDELITY

As mentioned in the previous post, online dating sites have gained popularity among single Baby Boomers. What about married boomers?

It seems a lot of married boomers 'enjoy fooling around' online, 21st century-style.
Defenders claim: Cyber flirting is harmless fun that does not breach the fidelity-line because there is no physical contact.
Critics claim: Lack of physical contact notwithstanding, the time and emotional investment devoted to cyber flirting adversely affects relationships.

NOTE
As of now, there is no consensus on 21st century infidelity. Baby Boomers do not need consensus. Individually and as couples, we set our own fidelity boundaries. Of course.

STAY TUNED
Are Single Boomers Too Old To Date ...

CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:           drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook:     facebook.com/Baby Boomer Memos

Thursday, February 8, 2018

WELCOME TO BABY BOOMER MEMOS
BLOG #20
AGING BABY BOOMERS AND ONLINE DATING

Online dating sites have gained popularity among single Baby Boomers. The learning curve is doable. (Or, ask a 14-year old for help.)

Experienced online daters tell novices it takes a while to master the art of conveying intelligence, humor, and sex appeal - via cyber chats. It may take a bit longer to unmask the smarmy creeps who hide behind charming veneers.

NOTE
Needless to say, boomers who pursue cyberspace-generated matches must drench ourselves in wisdom and caution. With that in mind, have fun. Quite a few successful relationships have originated from REPUTABLE dating sites.

STAY TUNED
Do Boomers Engage In 21st Century Infidelity ...

CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:             drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook:       facebook.com/Baby Boomer Memos 

Thursday, February 1, 2018

WELCOME TO BABY BOOMER MEMOS
BLOG #19
AGING BABY BOOMERS AND THE INTERNET MIRACLE

Inconceivable to prior generations, Baby Boomers are fortunate to experience the Internet miracle. Numerous boomers delight in using Internet access to find almost anything and anyone.

Let's be blunt: When boomers do make contact with people from our pasts, it can be startling to observe the changes time has wrought. Our former crushes and/or friends look...ummmm...old; a few are downright unrecognizable. Yikes!

NOTE
More blunt news: When repeated gestures to connect are ignored, our mature minds accept that certain people choose not to be found. However, our sensitive hearts probably will feel something - hopefully, only a barely noticeable, momentary twinge. It's not worth more than that.

STAY TUNED
Boomers And Online Dating ...

CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:             drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook:       facebook.com/Baby Boomer Memos


Thursday, January 25, 2018

WELCOME TO BABY BOOMER MEMOS
BLOG #18
AGING BABY BOOMERS RECONNECT WITH OLD FRIENDS

Many Baby Boomers claim the older we get, the more difficult it is to build new quality friendships.

Some settle for buddies, but others react to this dilemma by using social media to track down former friends - with the assumption that childhood bonding is an excellent starting point for quality adult relationships. Ideally, when we re-connect, the years of separation melt away and friendships are revived.

Unfortunately, this is not always the case. Sometimes, the years apart have carved a divide too wide to navigate.

NOTE
Quality friendships are rare treasures. Aging boomers are thankful if we are able to grow old with one or two.

STAY TUNED
Boomers And The Internet Miracle ...

CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:              drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook:        facebook.com/Baby Boomer Memos

 

Thursday, January 18, 2018

WELCOME TO BABY BOOMER MEMOS
BLOG #17
AGING BABY BOOMERS REKINDLE LOST LOVE

Are you tempted to track down someone you haven't seen or spoken to in decades? Is that someone a former sweetheart?

Why the temptation?
~ Many Baby Boomers want to reconnect with people who share our histories and are fluent in our life-stories. It seems these boomers would rather update their stories than go through the discovery-phase required for new intimate relationships.

~ For quite a few boomers, getting older has reawakened a dormant yearning for their 'first true love.'

~ Or, maybe, it is simply age-related nostalgia for the good old days.

NOTE
Not all tales of rekindled love are heartwarming. Because, not all who reconnect with past loves are single. Uh-oh!
Do you know Baby Boomers who broke up their current marriages to reunite with former sweethearts?
Would you?

STAY TUNED
Boomers reconnect with old friends ...

CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:               drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook:         facebook.com/Baby Boomer Memos


Thursday, January 11, 2018

WELCOME TO BABY BOOMER MEMOS
BLOG #16
AGING BABY BOOMERS REMEMBER

Baby Boomers' memories of bygone days and bygone lives are evoked by anything or everything or nothing. We see images of long-absent friends and sweethearts, catch glimpses of ancient incidents, and hear echoes of past dialogues. All randomly seep (or occasionally pour) into our minds - uninvited.

For most boomers nostalgia lingers for a while, then fades as we get caught up in our present lives. Usually, but not always. Sometimes, reminiscing motivates action.

NOTE
Are you tempted to locate and, perhaps, rekindle former romances and friendships?
Are you tempted to find former adversaries to resolve disputes and release grudges?
Good Luck.

STAY TUNED
Boomers Rekindle Lost Loves ...

CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:        drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook:  facebook.com/Baby Boomer Memos

Thursday, January 4, 2018

WELCOME TO BABY BOOMER MEMOS
BLOG #14
AGING BABY BOOMERS ATTEND SCHOOL REUNIONS

Aging Baby Boomer school reunions are time machines, of sorts. We travel to bygone days and, for better or worse, observe the aging process - using contemporaries as yardsticks.

It was all fun and games at 10th year high-school reunions when boomers were on the verge of turning 30. Classmates were easily identified and warmly greeted.

At subsequent reunions we greet school chums a bit tentatively, until we put on our readers and see their identifying name tags. Afterwards, we're profoundly curious: At what age did Baby Boomers become unrecognizable?

NOTES
Not all boomers attend reunions, especially if school memories are unpleasant. Almost everyone, however, has come across unrecognizable schoolmates, in-person or on social media posts.

STAY TUNED
School Reunions Cast Spells On Boomers ...

CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:            drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook:      facebook.com/Baby Boomer Memos