Thursday, December 27, 2018

SHOULD AGING BABY BOOMERS RETIRE?

WELCOME TO BABY BOOMER MEMOS
BLOG #65
SHOULD AGING BABY BOOMERS RETIRE?

By and large, Baby Boomers have shattered the conventional tradition that retirement at 65 is automatic. In fact, a sizable segment of our generation has no intention of ever retiring. Well, maybe ... someday.

Research indicates that boomers should delay retirement as long as possible. Why? Working promotes health. Seriously. Of course, it helps if we like our jobs and co-workers, or at least don't dislike it, or them.

Studies cite these work-related benefits:
~ Employment enhances brain stimulation. When boomers are engaged in work, our brains are forced to be focused and sharp in order to follow instructions, make decisions, complete assigned tasks, and meet deadlines.

~ Employment facilitates social interactions. Workplaces provide opportunities to interact with others, in person. Social connections are a bulwark against isolation and loneliness.

~ Employment structures time. Boomers have someplace to go and something to do. Each workday begins with a purpose and each day ends with a sense of accomplishment. Ideally.

Et cetera, et cetera, et cetera ...

NOTE
Despite health benefits, finances influence retirement decisions for most Baby Boomers. Needless to say, financially well-off boomers choose whether to work or retire; all others have to work.

STAY TUNED
Retirement Questions For Boomers ...

CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:  drwendykyman@gmail.com 

Thursday, December 20, 2018

AGING BABY BOOMER GRANDPARENTS SET LIMITS

WELCOME TO BABY BOOMER MEMOS
BLOG #64
AGING BABY BOOMER GRANDPARENTS SET LIMITS

Baby Boomers adore spending time with grandchildren and forming close bonds with them. We 'do our best' to help with babysitting and overall childcare. 

As years pass, aging, health issues, employment status, and assorted commitments increasingly redefine 'our best' and limit our babysitting capability and availability. Our children usually understand. Not always.

Apparently, problems arise for boomers when there are large gaps between the births of first and last grandchildren. Specifically, if our eldest child had children when we were younger, healthier, with more energy and stamina, it was relatively effortless for us to frequently babysit. And, we did.

But, if many years elapse before our youngest child becomes a parent, this child expects us to do as much babysitting for the new babies as we did for our first grandchildren.

In worst-case scenarios, boomer grandparents are accused of showing favoritism to our first grandchildren and neglecting newcomers. Is it insensitive, selfish, or plain ridiculous (perhaps, all three) for our youngest child to not notice that since our first grandchildren arrived we have gotten significantly older, acquired some health issues, and have less energy and stamina?

Solution: Rather than getting defensive, affirm that aging may have decreased our babysitting availability but not our love and affection.

NOTE
Even healthy and fit Baby Boomers admit to passing out from exhaustion after extended babysitting stints with young grandchildren.
This is one of the countless reasons why special kudos go to boomer grandparents who, due to various circumstances, take on the demanding task of becoming full-time guardians to grandchildren. Standing Ovation!

STAY TUNED
Should Boomers Retire ...

CONTACT INFORMATION
Email: drwendykyman@gmail.com

Thursday, December 13, 2018

AGING BABY BOOMER GRANDPARENTS MAKE PLANS

WELCOME TO BABY BOOMER MEMOS
BLOG #63
AGING BABY BOOMER GRANDPARENTS MAKE PLANS

Conscientious Baby Boomers gather ideas and make plans for the future, while the rest of us sporadically think about it.

Boomers with grandchildren often include them in whatever ideas, plans, and thoughts we have. Most grandparents would love to reside near enough to be present in grandchildren's lives. 

That's a wonderful goal ... but has potential complications. 

Complication #1: What happens when our adult children and grandchildren relocate to a different city or state (or country)? Do we follow them? If boomers uproot our lives and settle in a new location, what do we do if children and grandchildren move again?

Complication #2: What happens to married boomers if one spouse wants to relocate with grandchildren and the other refuses to move?

Complication #3: What happens if one child and her children relocate to one region of the state or country and another child and his children relocate to a different region? Where do we go?

NOTE
Rather than following our children's geographical choices, some Baby Boomer grandparents decide to reside wherever we choose and take frequent visits to each child and grandchild's home.
When grandchildren get older, they are invited to our homes for blissfully long visits.

STAY TUNED
Boomer Grandparents Are Not Babysitters ...

CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:  drwendykyman@gmail.com




Thursday, December 6, 2018

AGING BABY BOOMERS AS GRANDPARENTS

WELCOME TO BABY BOOMER MEMOS
BLOG #62
AGING BABY BOOMERS AS GRANDPARENTS

According to an overwhelming majority of Baby Boomers, becoming grandparents is one of the most treasured gifts we receive for getting older. We love, love, love this role.

What boomers do not love (barely tolerate) is being told by our grandbabies' parents - adult children and their partners - that we must obey a list of rules in order to take care of (or in extreme instances be in the presence of) the little ones.

Overall, the rules consist of enlightened diapering, sleeping, and feeding instructions for infants and toddlers as well as approved and forbidden snacks and entertainment for older children. 
Blah, blah, blah ...

If boomers mention the infinite times we diapered, put to bed, fed, and entertained those now setting the rules or suggest beneficial childcare techniques we long ago used on the parents, the mocking begins with versions of 'nobody does that anymore.' It continues with a series of eye-rolls and smirks that culminate with stern admonishments to abandon all old-fashioned, obsolete, outdated, archaic (pick one) techniques.

Generally, boomers forgive the absurdity. Why? Grandchildren are worth it! Plus, let's be honest. Back when boomers were new parents we were probably obnoxious, too. Yup.

NOTE
The top priority for Baby Boomer grandparents is to take excellent care of our grandchildren. But, boomers were never good at listening to lectures and following orders. So, we lovingly tune out and occasionally break ridiculous rules. Shhhhh. It's a secret. Don't tell.

STAY TUNED
Boomer Grandparents Rearrange Future Plans ...

CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:  drwendykyman@gmail.com

Thursday, November 29, 2018

AGING BABY BOOMER IN-LAWS GET SHREWD

WELCOME TO BABY BOOMER MEMOS
BLOG #61
AGING BABY BOOMERS GET SHREWD

Let's be candid. Lots of Baby Boomer parents-in-law have lots of complaints. Mostly, we miss alone-time with our kids - either to have private chats, share activities, or just hang out - without their mates being present.

Shrewd parents-in-law advise boomers to quash complaints and build good will by ... spending alone-time with the mates, not our children! If boomers are fond of them, it's easier to make an effort to find common ground and mutual interests.

If we are not fond of our daughters- and sons-in-law, disgruntled boomers are advised to give award-winning performances. In other words, put on a happy face and pretend to be gracious. When the act starts to fade and inner groans float close to the surface, make a graceful exit and go home. Then, and only then, privately release pent-up feelings in a spectacular rant.

NOTE
Is playacting phony? Yes. Is it for a good cause and in our best interests? Yes. Shrewd parents-in-law remind Baby Boomers that our children and their mates will be the parents of our future grand babies and - like it or not - will control access to them. We want unlimited access. Grumble! Grumble! Grumble!

STAY TUNED
Boomer Grandparents ... 


Thursday, November 22, 2018

WILL AGING BABY BOOMERS COMPLY WITH 'THE UNOFFICIAL IN-LAW RULEBOOK?'

WELCOME TO BABY BOOMER MEMOS
BLOG #60
WILL AGING BABY BOOMERS COMPLY WITH 'THE UNOFFICIAL IN-LAW RULEBOOK?'

Stepping into the role of parent-in-law is not always smooth sailing. It's a rare Baby Boomer who flawlessly avoids common blunders. 'Flawless' parents-in-law purportedly comply with an extensive list of DOs And DON'Ts cited in an imaginary 'Unofficial In-Law Rulebook.'

In case you're wondering, muttering profanities are typical responses to the following examples of so-called rules. Let 'em rip!

DO 
~ Give up control. Prove it by respecting adult children's independence and whom they choose as mates.
~ Show consideration for boundaries set by offspring and their mates. For example, wait for invitations to their homes instead of spontaneously dropping by.
~ Limit phone calls and texts to avoid being a pesky nuisance.
Yada, Yada, Yada ...

DON'T
~ Interfere by voicing unasked-for opinions or advice.
~ Get insulted if kids call only when it's convenient for them, such as while they're commuting to-and-from work or taking dogs for long walks.
~ Misuse keys to children's homes. If parents are given house keys - for emergency use only - never betray trust by randomly entering their residences when there are no emergencies.

NOTE
Will Baby Boomers comply with 'The In-Law Rulebook?' It depends. The more boomers like our daughters- and sons-in-law, the more effort we make to ensure our kids are happy and have harmonious relationships.

Conversely, boomers who dislike children's mates are not motivated to put much effort into the parent-in-law role. Moreover, some of these boomers believe parents' happiness takes precedence over children's. Do you agree? Disagree? 

STAY TUNED
Boomers Miss Our Adult Children ...

CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:  drwendykyman@gmail.com



Thursday, November 15, 2018

AGING BABY BOOMERS BECOME PARENTS-IN-LAW

WELCOME TO BABY BOOMER MEMOS
BLOG #59
AGING BABY BOOMERS BECOME PARENTS-IN-LAW

Baby Boomers rejoice ... or ... weep when we become parents-in-law. Reactions mostly depend on whom our adult children have chosen as life-mates.

Best-Case Scenario: Boomers approve of, and get along well with, our children's mates. We judge them 'worthy' partners for our offspring and cheerfully take on the role of in-laws. Heartwarming.

Worst-Case Scenario: Boomers disapprove of, and do not get along with, our children's mates. We judge them 'unworthy' partners for our offspring and begrudgingly take on the role of in-laws. Heartbreaking.

Some boomers wince at the word judge, claiming it implies unkindness. In this case, let's set aside implications and focus on reality. Parents do assess and evaluate the merits of partners; we do make judgements, i.e. judge. In our defense, it is done out of love for our kids. Exactly.

NOTE
Baby Boomers who have tense relationships with our children's mates eventually will have to make a monumental decision. Do we diffuse or escalate tensions?
Hint: It is never a good idea to put offspring in the position to choose sides - parents or partners. Usually, parents lose. Ouch!

STAY TUNED
Parent-in-law DOs and DON'Ts ...

CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:  drwendykyman@gmail.com




Thursday, November 8, 2018

AGING BABY BOOMERS NEED HELP WITH RE-FILLED EMPTY NESTS

WELCOME TO BABY BOOMER MEMOS
BLOG # 58
AGING BABY BOOMERS NEED HELP WITH RE-FILLED EMPTY NESTS

Many Baby Boomers are re-filling empty nests with our elderly parents. The length of their stay in our homes depends mostly on their health status. Do parents need minimal attention or specialized medical treatments? Who will help with the emotional, physical, and financial costs? 

Empty-nester single boomers who are primary caregivers to ailing parents need lots of help. We cannot passively wait for it to be offered. Instead, we must actively seek support, well before collapsing from the burden of providing daily care.

Empty-Nester married boomers also need assistance but face an added dilemma. We must negotiate how to care for and give attention to elderly parents, without neglecting spouses.

Boomers who are not yet empty-nesters need help, too. The emotional, physical, and financial demands are multiplied when we take care of our parents, while children still live at home. Not only do households get crowded, but our time, attention, and money have to be divided among additional family members.

NOTE
Even if it seems impossible, Baby Boomer caregivers are required to allocate 'me-time' to alleviate at least a bit of the overwhelming stress and exhaustion. It is a mandatory requirement for all caregivers. 

STAY TUNED
Boomers Become Parents-In-Laws ...

CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:   drwendykyman@gmail.com


Thursday, November 1, 2018

AGING BABY BOOMERS RE-FILL EMPTY NESTS WITH OUR ELDERLY PARENTS

WELCOME TO BABY BOOMER MEMOS
BLOG #57
AGING BABY BOOMERS RE-FILL EMPTY NESTS WITH OUR ELDERLY PARENTS

Many Baby Boomers barely have time to adapt to adult children leaving home before recently-emptied nests are once again filled ... with elderly parents.

Are boomers receptive to these new housemates?
On one end of the spectrum are boomers who welcome parents into our homes, with goodwill. On the other end are boomers who do so out of obligation, with resentment.

Most of us fall somewhere in the middle, albeit with frequent mood swings and conflicting emotions. For example, one minute boomers have feelings of gratitude that parents are still alive and the next minute we are overcome with pangs of simmering animosity for past wrongdoings.

Despite fluctuating mindsets, parents' health status and their resultant needs largely dictate our lifestyles. Frankly, boomers can expect caring for elderly parents to become more and more emotionally demanding and physically exhausting. Plus, the
financial expenditures of caregiving can be daunting, especially if we give up jobs and devote full-time to this role.

NOTE
Baby Boomer (and other) caregivers deserve heaps of respect, appreciation, and admiration. 

STAY TUNED
Boomers Need Help With Re-Filled Empty Nests ...

CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:    drwendykyman@gmail.com


Thursday, October 25, 2018

AGING BABY BOOMERS' OCCUPIED EMPTY-NESTS

WELCOME TO BABY BOOMER MEMOS
BLOG #56
AGING BABY BOOMERS' OCCUPIED EMPTY-NESTS

The transition from active parenting to empty nesting takes time. Don't worry. The majority of Baby Boomer empty nesters adjust quite well. In fact, once boomers get used to 'house silence', we enjoy the calm and privacy of unoccupied nests.

Oh-oh! Just as boomers relax into blissful serenity, 'boomerangs' come knocking on our doors. This refers to adult children who, some time ago, had moved out of our homes - only to come back to the nest for financial support (free room-and-board) or childcare help (in-house babysitters).
Do we open our homes to them? For how long?

In contrast, numerous boomers have not yet experienced the pleasures of unoccupied nests. Instead, we are impatiently awaiting the day when fully-grown offspring finally leave and set up homes of their own. This is referred to as 'failure to launch'. 

Frankly, it works both ways. Don't we all know at least one boomer parent who will not let her children launch, using excuses, guilt, and other nefarious measures to keep them from moving away?

On the other hand, some boomers who root for grown-up children to hurry up and lauch, are amenable to their living in our homes, albeit with specific stipulations and time-limits. Stipulations and amounts of time vary, based on whenever our boomer-wisdom signals enough is enough. 

Clearly, problems arise when we have had enough, but adult children are reluctant to leave. One common solution is to set fixed timetables. Then, stick to them.

NOTE
More and more Baby Boomers have empty nests re-filled with elderly parents who are no longer able to live on their own. Good Luck!

STAY TUNED
Boomers Re-Fill Empty Nests With Elderly Parents

CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:    drwendykyman@gmail.com

Thursday, October 18, 2018

WILL AGING BABY BOOMER PARENTS EVER LET GO OF OUR ADULT CHILDREN?

WELCOME TO BABY BOOMER MEMOS
BLOG #55
WILL AGING BABY BOOMERS EVER LET GO OF OUR ADULT CHILDREN?

Most older Baby Boomer parents have raised and launched our children. Yay!

Once children reach adulthood and leave our homes, parents are expected to stop active parenting and allow them to lead independent lives. Since when have boomers done what is expected?

For example, even from a distance, some parents make our presence known by voicing opinions and offering advice about adult children's personal and work lives - whether or not our input is requested.

Boomers are not the first generation to be told our grown-up offspring are capable of living independent lives without frequent parental input. And, we're probably not the first generation to scoff, 'Preposterous.'

Boomers also scoff when alleged experts advise parents of fully-grown adults to 'let go.' To do this, we must exert self-control.
Boomer self-control ... Is that an oxymoron?

NOTE
Baby Boomer parents are cautioned to give opinions and advice to adult children only upon request. Fully letting go means no unsolicited meddling, regardless of loving intentions. Seriously???
To do this effectively, boomers need special super powers. Anyone know where to get them?


Thursday, October 11, 2018

AGING BABY BOOMER FAMILIES - WHAT HAVE WE DONE?

WELCOME TO BABY BOOMER MEMOS
BLOG #54
AGING BABY BOOMER FAMILIES - WHAT HAVE WE DONE?

Baby Boomers are renowned for being rebels and shattering traditions of previous generations. Now that we are older, some of us question whether every shattered tradition should be attributed to rebellious boomers.

For instance, are we actually responsible for shattering the traditional family structure and replacing it with ever-increasing rates of childless marriages, cohabitation, and single parent households?

Let's review:
First-wave boomers consider ourselves trailblazers. Yet, the majority got married and became parents in our late teens or early twenties, upholding marriage and parenthood traditions passed down from previous generations.

Certainly, there are midpoint and last-wave boomers who married and became parents in our late teens and early twenties. 

Nevertheless, a sizable segment of this group replaced the traditional family structure with alternatives, namely childless marriages, cohabitation, and singe parenthood - either by choice or circumstance. Quite a few remained single and childless, again either by choice or circumstance.

NOTE
There are boomers who refuse to accept responsibility for the breakdown of traditional family structure. 
And, there are boomers who refuse to take the blame (or credit) for any of our generation's reputed deeds and have declared independence from The Baby Boomer identity. Is this the ultimate rebellion?

RESEARCH NOTE
At present, there is a lack of research providing comprehensive statistical analyses of important information, such as: how many alternatives to traditional family structure were actually chosen and how many were due to circumstance; what were the specific choices and/or circumstances.

STAY TUNED
Boomers Become Empty-Nesters ...

CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:   drwendykyman@gmail.com



Thursday, October 4, 2018

AGING BABY BOOMERS TAKE CARE OF ELDERLY PARENTS

WELCOME TO BABY BOOMER MEMOS
BLOG #53
AGING BABY BOOMERS TAKE CARE OF ELDERLY PARENTS

Most Baby Boomers are experiencing, have experienced, or will experience a distinctive type of stress (and heartbreak) that materializes when our elderly parents need care.

This particular stress comes in waves. The initial wave strikes soon after we sense parents have become too ill or too frail to care for themselves. As difficult as that is, and with no time to recover, the knockout stress-wave hits when siblings attempt to reach consensus about caregiving arrangements. It is all so overwhelming that even harmonious siblings are susceptible to petty quarrels. If these escalate into vigorous disagreements, they usually are just momentary reactions to tension-filled circumstances.

In contrast, each stress-wave causes siblings with hostile relationships to react more harshly to each other. Typical caregiving disagreements go from bad to worse and morph into out-and-out battles.

With or without hostilities, boomers know our focus should be on doing whatever is best to alleviate parents' suffering; their wellbeing should take priority over sibling grievances.

Knowing what should be done is a good first step. The important next step is activating this knowledge into positive behavioral changes.

NOTE
Suggestion: As a loving gesture of compassion for parents, why not put sibling hostilities on hold and call a temporary truce? Think of it as a good deed that may result in a remarkable outcome ... deep-rooted wounds start to heal.
Is it possible? Maybe.
Is it worth a try? Definitely.

STAY TUNED
Boomers Shatter Parenting Traditions ...

CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:   drwendykyman@gmail.com




Thursday, September 27, 2018

AGING BABY BOOMER SIBLINGS - FRIENDS OR ENEMIES?

WELCOME TO BABY BOOMER MEMOS
BLOG #52
AGING BABY BOOMER SIBLINGS - FRIENDS OR ENEMIES?

Baby Boomers grew up in an era of larger families; most of us have siblings.

Brothers and sisters as best friends are the ... best. What is better than harmonious relationships build on life-long love, trust, and loyalty? Not much. And, there is an added bonus: When our memories get fuzzy, we are able to tap into shared histories and fill the gaps in each other's aging memory banks. Such a relief. 

Regrettably, some boomer siblings have hostile relationships, marked by bitter antagonisms and wicked feuds. Tapping into shared histories dredges up past conflicts that overshadow any semblance of relief gained from filling the gaps in each other's memory banks.

Aside from long-standing rivalries, one of the main causes of sibling disputes is money - our elderly parents' money, not our own.

NOTE
The following are examples of money-related debates, regardless of whether Baby Boomer sibling relationships are harmonious or hostile.

If parents are affluent, albeit elderly, frail, and/or ill, quarrels erupt when debating parents' wealth, e.g. how much of their money should be spent on high-priced, private caregivers and how much should be reserved for each sibling to inherit.

If parents have little or no money, quarrels erupt when debating how much of each sibling's personal funds should be spent on caregivers.

STAY TUNED
Boomers And Elderly Parents ...

CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:  drwendykyman@gmail.com

Thursday, September 20, 2018

AGING BABY BOOMERS REVIVE OLD FRIENDSHIPS

WELCOME TO BABY BOOMER MEMOS
BLOG #51
AGING BABY BOOMERS REVIVE OLD FRIENDSHIPS

The search for quality friendships has Baby Boomers reaching back in time, hoping to rekindle a few long-lost relationships.

In the past, boomers relied on school and hometown reunions to get together with childhood chums. Despite promises to keep in touch, we often lost contact - until the next reunion.

Nowadays, most boomers have embraced 21st century technology and, whenever we're in the mood, use the Internet to reunite with former pals. Of course, the results of online reunions vary.

Usually, aside from sharing jokes and photos with bygone friends, online reunions consist of sporadic check-ins to 'say hello' or occasional 'catch-up' chats. Sometimes, though, boomers get lucky and seamlessly re-establish close ties with at least one old friend. 

It's wonderful when the years apart melt away as we pick up where a friendship left off, decades ago. If we're extremely lucky, we live near enough to each other for frequent in-person contact.

NOTE
Be prepared: Some former pals may not be receptive to friendship overtures. It is a waste of precious time and energy to take rebuffs personally. It's best for Baby Boomers to move forward to the next names on our lists.

STAY TUNED
Boomer Siblings ...

CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:  drwendykyman@gmail.com

Thursday, September 13, 2018

AGING BABY BOOMERS CHOOSE BUDDIES, NOT FRIENDS

WELCOME TO BABY BOOMER MEMOS
BLOG #50
AGING BABY BOOMERS CHOOSE BUDDIES, NOT FRIENDS

Immediately after Baby Boomers update relationship criteria and de-clutter relationship closets, we glow with enthusiastic optimism. Boomers are grateful if one or two quality friends are still in our lives and anticipate adding new ones who match our requirements.

Then, reality sinks in and optimism morphs into frustrated pessimism. Why? Although our closets are nearly empty, we can't seem to muster the energy (motivation) to put in the effort (time) to re-fill them. And, although we're grateful if we still have a couple of friends, more and more boomers have lost the patience to deal with drama-fueled friend rules.

In light of those factors, there is an easier way to replenish closets. Fill the empty slots with buddy relationships. Ideal buddies are individuals who do not fulfill current requirements but match enough of them to become congenial 'playmates.'

Once boomers get used to the switch from friends to buddies, most of us enjoy the ease of relaxed, light-hearted, drama-free companionship.

NOTE
If Baby Boomers are able to limit expectations, buddy relationships will thrive. The key is recognizing where our interests coincide with each buddy, without seeking or expecting more. Doing so avoids disappointment and frustration.

STAY TUNED
Boomers Revive Old Friendships ...

CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:    drwendykyman@gmail.com 


Thursday, September 6, 2018

AGING BABY BOOMERS SEARCH FOR NEW FRIENDSHIPS

WELCOME TO BABY BOOMER MEMOS
BLOG #49
AGING BABY BOOMERS SEARCH FOR NEW FRIENDSHIPS

At first, Baby Boomers' newly de-cluttered relationship closets may feel too empty. Then we realize, clutter-free closets create room to invite a fresh crop of people into our lives. Sounds promising ... until ... boomers ask: Is it possible to find new BFFs (Best Friends Forever) to accompany us on the journey into old age?

Frankly, it is possible but not very probable. Why? As age increases, opportunities to form close friendships decrease - or so it seems. If older boomers are presented with opportunities, compared to when we were younger, friendships are slower to develop.

Building and then maintaining close bonds requires us to flex creaky social-skills muscles and make, what feels like, an enormous effort. If we do not apply sufficient effort, or pay enough attention, potential relationships fade away. How exhausting.

NOTE
Let's admit two bizarre (for us) truths. Many older Baby Boomers (1) have nestled into cozy cocoons and, therefore, (2) have grown reluctant to open our lives to unfamiliar people. Gasp!
Does this mean the unimaginable has happened? Has aging caused boomers to become guarded and cautious? Have we lost our youthful audacious, adventurous spirt? Hmmm ... maybe just a tiny bit???

STAY TUNED
Boomers Choose Buddies, Not Friends ...

CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:  drwendykyman@gmail.com



Thursday, August 30, 2018

AGING BABY BOOMERS DE-CLUTTER RELATIONSHIP CLOSETS

WELCOME TO BABY BOOMER MEMOS
BLOG #48
AGING BABY BOOMERS DE-CLUTTER RELATIONSHIP CLOSETS

When Baby Boomers de-clutter relationship closets, we unearth people who do not fit our updated criteria, i.e. traits we deem essential for the journey into old age. Oh-oh!

Is it cruel to detach from people we have outgrown, as if they are pieces of worn-out clothing that no longer fit? Cruel or not, de-cluttering is a natural part of aging. All Baby Boomers are doing it, or will do it.

As boomers accept (sort of) our mortality, we acknowledge (kind of) that our life-clocks are ticking; time is slipping away. Wise boomers maximize whatever time remains by enhancing our lives in every way possible. One way is choosing quality relationships and disengaging from those that aren't.

NOTE
Beware of the outrageous possibility that people may detach from us because we no longer fit their updated relationship criteria. How dare they!

STAY TUNED
Boomers Search For New Friendships ...

CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:   drwendykyman@gmail.com

Thursday, August 23, 2018

AGING BABY BOOMERS EVALUATE RELATIONSHIPS

WELCOME TO BABY BOOMER MEMOS
BLOG #46
AGING BABY BOOMERS EVALUATE RELATIONSHIPS

If Baby Boomers view relationships through the aging-wisdom lens, we are able to accurately identify those that enhance and enrich our lives. This ability comes in handy when we choose who will accompany us on the journey into old age.

Before making irrevocable decisions, some boomers do formal evaluations to double-check accuracy. Why not give it a try?
The following is one example of a formal relationship evaluation.

(1) Write down a list of essential relationship criteria. Itemize, then prioritize, e.g. mutual love, honesty, trust, reciprocity, respect, kindness, open communication, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.

(2) Write down a list of every friend, associate, acquaintance, and romantic partner/s. (Unsurprisingly, family is an entirely separate subject.)

(3) Match names with essential criteria. Although one glance provides adequate evidence, compile two written lists; one composed of those who meet all or most criteria and another composed of those who do not.

(4) It is decision time. Are you prepared to let go of relationships that do not meet essential criteria? Are you willing to make exceptions? Who gets exemptions? Why?

NOTE
Quality relationships enrich Baby Boomers' lives and enhance wellbeing.
Negative relationships damage lives and diminish wellbeing.
Easy choice!

STAY TUNED
Boomers Analyze Relationship Choices ...

CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:   drwendykyman@gmail.com

Thursday, August 16, 2018

AGING BABY BOOMERS EVALUATE RELATIONSHIPS

WELCOME TO BABY BOOMER MEMOS
BLOG #46
AGING BABY BOOMERS EVALUATE RELATIONSHIPS

When Baby Boomers view relationships through the aging-wisdom lens, we are able to accurately identify those that enhance and enrich our lives. This ability comes in handy when we choose who will accompany us on the journey into old age.

Before making irrevocable decisions, some boomers do formal evaluations to double-check accuracy. Why not give it a try?

The following is one example of a formal relationship evaluation.
Hint: Written responses are encouraged. Writing boosts the thought process and also provides a record for future review.

(1) Compile a list of essential relationship criteria. Itemize, then prioritize, e.g. mutual love, honesty, trust, reciprocity, respect, kindness, open communication, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.

(2) Compile a list of every friend, associate, acquaintance, and romantic partner(s). (Unsurprising, family is an entirely separate subject.)

(3) Match names with essential criteria. Although one glance provides clear-cut evidence, compile two lists; one composed of those who meet all or most criteria and another of those who do not.

(4) It is decision time. Are you willing to let go of all relationships that do not meet essential criteria? Are you willing to make exceptions. Who gets exemptions? Why?

NOTE
Quality relationships enrich Baby Boomers lives and enhance wellbeing.
Negative relationships damage lives and diminish wellbeing.
Easy choice!

STAY TUNED
Boomers Analyze Relationship Choices ...

CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:  drwendykyman@gmail.com

Thursday, August 9, 2018

AGING BABY BOOMERS ASK FOR (DEMAND) RECIPROCAL RELATIONSHIPS

WELCOME TO BABY BOOMER MEMOS
BLOG #45
AGING BABY BOOMERS ASK FOR (DEMAND) RECIPROCAL RELATIONSHIPS

Baby Boomers are observing that the older we get, the less likely we are to accept lack of reciprocity in relationships. Our patience for lopsided compromising, appeasing, and accommodating has run out. Enough is enough!

Reciprocity denotes equal give-and-take. We concede on various disputed issues and our romantic partners and friends acquiesce on others. Over the course of time, not simultaneously, concessions mostly even out.

So, what happens when boomers ask for (demand) reciprocity in relationships?
We will encounter a broad range of resistance and turmoil. Resistance typically ranges from mild complaints to bitter resentment; turmoil typically ranges from constant conflicts to breakups.
What happens next is deciding whether to stay resolute or to withdraw demands. 

NOTE
As many Baby Boomers already have experienced, there are individuals in our lives who will agree to full reciprocity but do not follow through - as if we won't notice. Yes we do!

STAY TUNED
Boomers Evaluate Relationships ...

CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:   drwendykyman@gmail.com

Thursday, August 2, 2018

ARE AGING BABY BOOMERS WILLING TO COMPROMISE?

WELCOME TO BABY BOOMER MEMOS
BLOG #44
ARE AGING BABY BOOMERS WILLING TO COMPROMISE?

At this point in Baby Boomers' lives, patience for drama has waned as desire for harmony has waxed. Indeed!

Compromise plays a huge role in reducing drama and achieving harmony. Duh!
Compromise is an essential ingredient in creating and sustaining happy, fulfilling relationships. Yet, it does not guarantee 100% drama-free harmony. Double Duh!!

Then again, the older we get, the tougher it is to make concessions. Then again, boomers are astute enough to know we cannot always get our way. Triple Duh!!!
Then again, why continue to be involved in relationships that require compromises we no longer want to make?

NOTE
Quality relationships are precious, but they require effort. As Baby Boomers are discovering, we have to decide who in our current lives is worth the effort. Yup. It is decision time.

STAY TUNED
Boomers Ask For (Demand) Reciprocal Relationships ...

CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:     drwendykyman@gmail.com

Thursday, July 26, 2018

AGING BABY BOOMERS REMARRY

AGING BABY BOOMERS REMARRY

Many formerly divorced and widowed Baby Boomers are in second (third, fourth ...) marriages. The status of these unions runs the gamut from divine to debacle. Predictably, varied reasons are cited as causes for disparate results.

One of the major reasons for divine second marriages is supportive families and friends who root for these relationships to flourish and graciously welcome new mates into their social circles. Yay!

In contrast, one of the major reasons for doomed second marriages is family, mostly offspring from previous unions, who pump up tension by denouncing our new mates and undermining our new marriages. 

Boomers expect a bit of opposition from still-living-at-home youngsters who are directly affected by household changes. We are blindsided when serious opposition comes from our independent adult children, particularly if they have spouses and children of their own and/or live far away and rarely visit us.
In worst-case scenarios, unrelenting family pressures tear apart nascent marital bonds. Boo!

NOTE
Baby Boomer second marriages have higher success rates when spouses pledge to be cordial to each other's children and to MYOB (mind your own business). Patience, patience, and more patience.  
Not surprisingly, lots of boomers tell adult children to MTOB (mind their own business). Good luck with that.

STAY TUNED
Are Boomers Willing To Compromise ...

CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:      drwendykyman@gmail.com

Thursday, July 19, 2018

AGING BABY BOOMERS SHATTER DATING & MARRIAGE TRADITIONS

WELCOME TO BABY BOOMER MEMOS
BLOG #42
AGING BABY BOOMERS SHATTER DATING AND MARRIAGE TRADITIONS

Long, long ago when first-wave Baby Boomers learned relationship ground rules, girls were coached to date and marry up. This was construed as women should set our sights on men who were not only older but also taller, more educated, had 'superior' career status and higher salaries. In hindsight, it is appalling that most of us didn't challenge with: 'Stop the nonsense. If women focus up, does it not imply that men should aim their focus down? Hindsight!!!

Historically, a minority of women did date and marry younger men. The significant increase in these relationships has been credited to midpoint boomers who were instrumental in toppling gender-based age-boundaries. One outcome - insulting to some, a badge of honor to others - older women are labeled: 'cougars;' younger men are: 'cubs.'

By the way: Midpointers also played a huge role in smashing gender-based disparities in education and career opportunities, and more. Impressive accomplishments.

Last-wave boomers have disregarded just about all dating, relationship, marriage traditions. In this, and other ways, last-wavers have made substantial contributions to 'The Baby Boomer Catalogue of Rebellious Acts' . 

NOTE
Anecdotal evidence suggests that age discrepancies also exist in homosexual relationships. Up-to-date comprehensive empirical research on this topic, as well as overall LBGT dating patterns, is needed.

STAY TUNED
Boomers Remarry ...

CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:     drwendykyman@gmail.com

Thursday, July 12, 2018

DO AGING SINGLE BABY BOOMERS REALLY KNOW OUR DATES?

WELCOME TO BABY BOOMER MEMOS
BLOG #41
DO AGING BABY BOOMERS REALLY KNOW OUR DATES?

Even if it has been decades since newly-single Baby Boomers last dated, everyone recollects the getting-acquainted stage of dating. Some memories are sweet; others we rather not remember.

In the here-and-now, new singles face different choices than we did when younger. During the getting-acquainted stage we now have to choose which portions of our extensive life histories to share with dates, and which to edit. Seems reasonable until we realize, despite charming flirtations and engaging conversations, our dates are also editing. 
Then, curiosity takes hold: "What are they concealing?"

Dating boomers are advised to balance a respect for privacy with the itch to know everything. Isn't it strange that our balance gets a bit wobbly as we get older? And, when have The Baby Boomers actually followed advice? 

Experienced daters have learned there is no defined timetable for mutual disclosure of unedited personal details. So, what do we do? 

NOTE
Savvy Baby Boomers view dating as an interview process. After a few lighthearted get-togethers, if commonsense and aging wisdom signal potential for a serious relationship, these boomers intensify the interviews. 

Tech-proficient boomers scour familiar and obscure online sites to uncover relevant information. Be prepared for the boomerang effect. Ouch!

Suspicious boomers begin with the savvy and tech approaches but add extremely in-depth background searches, (almost) sure potential relationship partners are hiding sordid pasts. Suspicious affluent boomers hire private detectives to conduct investigations. Those without extra funds, rely on DIY tactics.
Would you? How would you react to being investigated?

STAY TUNED
Boomers Shatter Dating Traditions ...

CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:    drwendykyman@gmail.com

Thursday, July 5, 2018

NEWLY-SINGLE BABY BOOMERS TAKE AGING BODIES ON DATES

WELCOME TO BABY BOOMER MEMOS
BLOG #40
NEWLY-SINGLE BABY BOOMERS TAKE AGING BODIES ON DATES

Long-married Baby Boomers regularly comment on one another's escalating 'brain meltdowns' (memory/communication blunders). Conversely, spouses are somewhat reticent to verbally acknowledge each other's conspicuous physical changes (weight gain, wrinkles, crinkles, sags, and bags). For now, this is how couples are growing old, together.

Single Baby Boomers meet potential romantic partners when we are ... ummmm ... already old

When recent singles imagine future romantic intimacy, too many feel timid and apprehensive about baring aging bodies to new lovers - even though we supposedly know beauty is superficial. Interestingly, anxiety about our aging minds is secondary, or barely worrisome.

At this stage of life, finding - and being - a thoughtful, kind, jovial, companionable mate is way more important than superficial looks. Right?

FOOD FOR THOUGHT 
~ Potential paramours our age have similar body-image insecurities. Boomers who choose to date younger people, well...
~ Prudent singles delay romantic intimacy until comfortable, secure, trustworthy connections have been established.
~ Humor melts awkwardness. Have fun.

NOTE
While mutual attraction is essential for romantic intimacy, it is based on idiosyncratic special somethings, not classic beauty. In fact, physical appearance is not a determinant factor in steamy, sizzling sexual relationships. Ooo-La-La!!!

STAY TUNED
Do Boomers Really Know Our Dates ...

CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:   drwendykyman@gmail.com









Thursday, June 28, 2018

AGING BABY BOOMERS LEARN 21st CENTURY DATING RULES

WELCOME TO BABY BOOMER MEMOS
BLOG #39
AGING BABY BOOMERS LEARN 21st CENTURY DATING RULES

Every decade of a monogamous marriage adds ten additional layers of rust on unused dating skills. No big deal ... until those marriages end and the now-single Baby Boomers want to re-enter the dating game.

Before re-entry, accumulated rust has to be scrubbed away. After scrubbing is done, there's another chore: adjusting our mindsets to 21st century dating rules, i.e. arbitrary guidelines, conventional etiquette, codes of 'proper behavior', et al. Whew!

Let's reminisce about 20th century rules - way, way back in time when formerly long-married boomers last dated and gender roles were definitively detailed. Accordingly, men initiated everything, from first dates (that they paid for) to marriage proposals. Women waited for landline phones to ring and either said 'yes' or 'no' to men's invitations. Do we still think those were 'the good old days?'

Boomers who are skilled in 21st century dating give mostly positive reviews. Overall, men feel a sense of relief. They applaud women making the first moves and appreciate their sharing costs of dates. Increasingly, boomer women 'enjoy the power' of initiating - when our overtures are accepted. We are not fond of rejections. Who is?

NOTE
Generally speaking, homosexual dating rules have always been more egalitarian than heterosexual rules.

STAY TUNED
Newly-Single Boomers Take Aging Bodies On Dates ...

CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:   drwendykyman@gmail.com




Thursday, June 21, 2018

AGING BABY BOOMERS LEARN 21st CENTURY DATING RULES

WELCOME TO BABY BOOMER MEMOS
BLOG #39
AGING BABY BOOMERS LEARN 21st CENTURY DATING RULES

Every decade of a monogamous marriage produces layers of rust on unused dating skills. Not a concern ... until those marriages end and newly-single Baby Boomers want to get back into the dating game.

To start, accumulated rust has to be scrubbed away. After the scrubbing is done, we have to learn 21st century dating rules. Whew!

Let's reminisce about 20th century rules - way, way back when formerly long-married boomers last dated. Then, men initiated everything from first dates (that they paid for) to marriage proposals. Women waited for landline, corded phones to ring and either said 'yes' or 'no' to invitations. Do we still think those were 'the good old days?'

Boomers who are skilled in 21st century dating give mostly positive reviews. Overall, men feel a sense of relief. They applaud women making the first moves and appreciate their sharing costs of dates. Increasingly, boomer women enjoy 'the power' of initiating - when our overtures are accepted. We are not fond of rejections. Who is?

NOTE
Generally speaking, homosexual dating rules have always been more egalitarian than heterosexual rules.

STAY TUNED
Newly-Single Boomers Take Aging Bodies On Dates ...

CONTACT INFORMATION
Email: drwendykyman@gmail.com 

Thursday, June 14, 2018

AGING BABY BOOMERS LEAP INTO REPLACEMENT RELATIONSHIPS

WELCOME TO BABY BOOMER MEMOS
BLOG #38
AGING BABY BOOMERS LEAP INTO REPLACEMENT RELATIONSHIPS

Baby Boomers know a lot. Just about all of us know several boomers who were recently widowed or divorced. We probably all know at least one who made the speedy leap into a replacement relationship. And, we all know leaps, more often than not, are frantic efforts to fill the void left by lost mates.

Mental health professionals advise those who are recently widowed and divorced to spend a full year adjusting to life without long-term partners. During this time, no life-changing decisions should be made - romantic or otherwise. 

Most boomers agree, in theory. However, in practice, quite a few new singles start serious romantic involvements before a year is up.

Depending on circumstances, it may be okay to forgo the wait. What is not okay (potentially disastrous) is doing so because we're desperate to avoid being alone.

NOTE
All too often replacement relationships are attempts to bypass the panic and pain of losing partners. Regrettably, the attempts are futile. There is no magic detour away from grief. If only there were.

STAY TUNED
Boomers Learn 21st Century Dating Skills ...

CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:              drwendykyman@gmail.com





Thursday, June 7, 2018

AGING BABY BOOMERS FORGIVE

WELCOME TO BABY BOOMER MEMOS
BLOG #37
AGING BABY BOOMERS FORGIVE

Baby Boomers who have been betrayed must forgive...ourselves.
Too many of us do the opposite; we attack ourselves.

Attacks often materialize as self-blaming rants that repeatedly play on our inner soundtracks. One common rant accuses: 'Why didn't we safeguard ourselves from being betrayed, and from betrayers?'

Preliminary answers emerge when boomers take a step back and objectively look at the totality of our circumstances at the time of betrayals. What information was available to us? Did we have supportive helping hands and resources to lift us out of our situations. Were we unwittingly following a pattern of learned behaviors?
Et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.

Forgiving ourselves is the epitome of forgiveness. The path to self-forgiveness begins by replacing internal scolding with internal (and external) nurturance, and exchanging self-blame for self-compassion. Add heaps of self-love alongside profound gratitude for what we have overcome.

NOTE
Stumbling blocks litter the self-forgiveness path. It's easy to stumble when coming across the formidable block that inspects Baby Boomers' roles in relationship betrayals. Uh-oh! Hold on tight. 


STAY TUNED
Boomers Leap Into Replacement Relationships ...

CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:             drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook:       facebook.com/Baby Boomer Memos

Thursday, May 31, 2018

WELCOME TO BABY BOOMER MEMOS
BLOG #36
AGING BABY BOOMERS RECOVER FROM BETRAYAL

A number of Baby Boomers are currently experiencing the fierce pain of betrayal. The rest of us vividly recall past painful experiences, although the sting is (mostly) long gone. Betrayals manifest in assorted ways, but the types that destroy romantic liaisons and friendships (e.g. infidelity, deception) are particularly brutal.

Healing from betrayal is a delicate process that requires self-awareness and blunt honesty, in order to gain insights into our motives and actions during relationships. Yes. The healing process puts the focus on us, not the betrayers.

Self-awareness and blunt honesty are powerful eye-openers. For example, were we really clueless, truly blindsided by betrayals? Or, did we have legitimate suspicions but, for various reasons, chose to quash them? What were those reasons? Powerful eye-openers, for sure!

NOTE
When boomers are betrayed, trust gets shattered ... and we feel shattered. Essential steps in the healing process are relearning self-trust and restoring self-confidence. Together, they boost our belief that from now on we will be discerning when selecting with whom to form new intimate bonds. Thankfully, Baby Boomers' aging wisdom gives us a head start.

STAY TUNED
Boomers Forgive ...

CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:             drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook:       facebook.com/baby boomer memos


Thursday, May 24, 2018

WELCOME TO BABY BOOMER MEMOS
BLOG #35
NEWLY-SINGLE BABY BOOMERS MAKE LIFE ADJUSTMENTS

When Baby Boomers become newly single, by choice or circumstance, our rational minds know there is a period of adjustment. What we don't know, and can't know, is how long the adjustment will take. It is impossible to predict.

Also impossible to predict is how we will adjust to single status, even if it was our choice to end marriages, even if we methodically prepared. The unexpected always happens.

Needless to say, becoming suddenly single due to unplanned circumstances, i.e. sudden death of spouse or unanticipated divorce, renders us unprepared for living solo. Although it is an uphill climb, the majority of boomers successfully adjust, albeit with lingering heartache.

NOTE
No surprise. Baby Boomers who ride the emotional rollercoaster of sudden singledom to favorable outcomes credit supportive families and friends.

STAY TUNED
Boomers Leap Into Replacement Relationships ...

CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:          drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook:    facebook.com/Baby Boomer Memos


Thursday, May 17, 2018

WIDOWED AND DIVORCED AGING BABY BOOMERS ARE SUDDENLY-SINGLE

WELCOME TO BABY BOOMER MEMOS
BLOG #34
WIDOWED AND DIVORCED AGING BABY BOOMERS ARE SUDDENLY-SINGLE

Recently widowed and divorced Baby Boomers learn, rather quickly, that there is no seamless transition out of long relationships and into singledom.

As expected, widowed boomers cope with feeling disoriented, dislocated, and grief-stricken. Widows receive outpourings of support, compassion, and sympathy. The same applies to boomers whose spouses abandon them and also to those who escape abusive, addicted, and/or unfaithful partners.

It is a different story for Baby Boomers who instigate divorces due to reasons judged, by others, as unacceptable. Although these new singles experience a measure of emotional fallout that accompanies all breakups, they rarely garner much support, compassion, and sympathy. Should they?

NOTE
Time does not totally heal all who need healing. However, time does provide a pause to step-by-shaky step gather strength, rebuild stability, and begin the process of adapting to life without a mate.

STAY TUNED
Newly-Single Boomers Make Adjustments  ...

CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:              drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook:        facebook.com/Baby Boomer Memos




Thursday, May 10, 2018

WELCOME TO BABY BOOMER MEMOS
BLOG #33
AGING BABY BOOMERS TRY DIVORCE ALTERNATIVES

In lieu of divorce, unhappily married Baby Boomers are trying out alternatives.

If we peek inside one popular alternative, appearances belie reality. To the casual observer, a couple appears to be together. They reside in the same home, share finances, as well as jointly celebrate family occasions and special holidays - more or less amiably.

In actuality, spouses live independent lives, sleep in separate bedrooms, communicate only when necessary, and are never romantically intimate.

NOTE
This alternative works best for affluent Baby Boomer couples who are able to afford houses large enough to divide into two distinct sections. Clearly, it is a challenge for couples with modest incomes and small living quarters to create separate spaces.

STAY TUNED
Newly-Single Boomers ...

CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:             drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook:       facebook.com/Baby Boomer Memos


Thursday, May 3, 2018

WELCOME TO BABY BOOMER MEMOS
BLOG #32
GREY DIVORCE UNSETTLES AGING BABY BOOMERS

Like it or not, the term 'grey divorce' (aka 'silver divorce') has made its way into contemporary jargon to symbolize Baby Boomers' sky-high divorce rates.

Plentiful theories assign plentiful reasons for boomers' plentiful divorces. A primary one suggests longevity plays a major role in marriage breakups.

Boomers are living longer than previous generations. This positive statistic is juxtaposed with the budding sense of personal mortality. Time is a dwindling commodity. Divorce is a reaction to the irresistible pressure to maximize whatever time is left, free from the constraints of marriage.

NOTE
This blunt statement is one Baby Boomer's rationale.
"My 70th birthday was the expiration date on a long, oppressive marriage. I redeemed the imaginary 'get out of jail card' and divorced so I can live in peace for however many years remain for me."
Is this an acceptable rationale or self-indulgent excuse or ... ?

STAY TUNED
Boomers Choose Divorce Alternatives ...

CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:             drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook:       facebook.com/Baby Boomer Memos


Thursday, April 26, 2018

DO AGING BABY BOOMERS THINK FOREVER IS TOO LONG?

WELCOME TO BABY BOOMER MEMOS
BLOG #31
DO AGING BABY BOOMERS THINK FOREVER IS TOO LONG?

Once upon a time, married Baby Boomers took vows to forever love, honor, and stay wedded to our spouses. Way back when those vows were made, we believed our mutual devotion would be everlasting. Remember?

With age, more and more boomers cannot fathom making life-long commitments to anyone - or anything. The jaded among us wonder whether youthful beliefs in eternal love and commitment can be blamed on immature foolishness, inexperienced naivete, innocent optimism, or ... ?

These jaded boomers attend weddings and cringe when starry-eyed couples, in their twenties, promise forever. A few want to shout out, 'Stop. You are too young to promise your life away.'

NOTE
Case in point is a 71 year-old Baby Boomer who lamented, 'I took my marriage vows at 22. How was I supposed to know forever would last this long? Ouch!

STAY TUNED
Grey Divorce Unsettles Boomers ...

CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:              drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook:        facebook.com/Baby Boomer Memos 




Thursday, April 19, 2018

UNHAPPILY-MARRIED AGING BABY BOOMERS

WELCOME TO BABY BOOMER MEMOS
BLOG #30
UNHAPPILY-MARRIED AGING BABY BOOMERS

It's not a news flash to report that countless Baby Boomers are in unhappy, unfulfilling marriages.
It is informative, though, to report the main factors that induce boomers to remain married ... unhappily ever after.

Standard Justifications: Children still live at home, financial concerns, religious beliefs, wedding vows are sacred, et al.

A Prevalent Excuse: Aging boomers are too set in our ways to disrupt familiar lifestyles. Long-time couples stay married to avoid the difficult adjustments that follow breakups. In other words, inertia has set in.

A Deep-Seated and Often Unacknowledged Reason: The fear of being alone.

NOTE
The Paradox: Baby Boomers (and others) who are convinced that being in relationships is preferable to being alone, complain they feel alone and lonely in those relationships.

STAY TUNED
Boomers Think Forever Is Too Long ...

CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:              drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook:        facebook.com/Baby Boomer Memos 

Thursday, April 12, 2018

HAVE LONG-MARRIED BABY BOOMERS LOST THEIR SIZZLE?

WELCOME TO BABY BOOMER MEMOS
BLOG #29
HAVE LONG-MARRIED BABY BOOMERS LOST THEIR SIZZLE?

Are long-married couples romantically intimate? Maybe.
Can faded marital passion be rejuvenated? Possibly.
Does your passion-battery need to be recharged? Uhhhh...perhaps.

Typically, first-wave and midpoint married boomers are either done with, or winding down from, the time and energy-consuming distractions that dampened the sizzling flames of our young marriages - building families and careers. Now if we choose, older healthy boomers are able to commit time and energy to reignite our passion. Yes. It is a choice.

Conversely, most last-wave married boomers are in the midst of hectic, busy lives, i.e. demanding careers, children living at home, elderly parents needing care, et cetera. Naturally, these responsibilities stifle amorous activities - to what extent is also a choice.

NOTE
Needless to say, multiple issues other than distractions factor into Baby Boomers' diminished marital passion and subsequent choices.

STAY TUNED
Unhappily Married Boomers ...

CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:               drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook:         facebook.com/Baby Boomer Memos


Thursday, April 5, 2018

LONG-MARRIED BABY BOOMERS

WELCOME TO BABY BOOMER MEMOS
BLOG #28
LONG-MARRIED BABY BOOMERS

Congratulations to Baby Boomers who have long-standing marriages. In fact, a number of first-wave boomers have celebrated, or are about to celebrate, 50-year golden anniversaries. Wow!

We all are aware that a combination of love, friendship, and laughter are keys to successful marriages. And, we all are impressed if spouses support and respect each other, as well as share common values, interests, and goals.

Boomers give high praise - albeit with a tad of disbelief, a bit of curiosity, and a tinge of envy - to 50-year couples who say they continue to be attracted to, charmed by, and intimate with, each other.

NOTE
In fantasyland, long-married couples live in love-filled, compatible harmony. 
In realville, ... well, you know.

STAY TUNED
Romantic Married Boomers ...

CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:             drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook:       facebook.com/Baby Boomer Memos

Thursday, March 29, 2018

WELCOME TO BABY BOOMER MEMOS
BLOG #27
DATING WHILE EMPTY NESTING, AGING BABY BOOMER STYLE

When adult children leave home to live on their own, Baby Boomers don't immediately celebrate. We usually go through a period of adjustment (mere minutes to few months) before fully enjoying the benefits of empty nests - especially regained privacy and independence.

Single empty nesters appreciate the ability to date and cultivate romantic relationships, free from prying eyes watching our every move. Ummmm ... except if your adult children feel it is their right to meddle and voice opinions, even from afar.

The fiercest responses to meddlesome offspring are summed up by a boomer who unequivocally stated, 'My love-life is none of my children's business and I won't ask their permission to have one.' Definitely fierce.

On the other end of the spectrum are boomers who surrender control to their children, summed up by an empty nester who wept, 'Sure I would like a bit of romance and companionship, but I ended a relationship and gave up dating because it upset my overly protective kids.' Overly protective, or selfish, or ???

Then there are Baby Boomers who reawaken rebellious teenage skills in order to hide forbidden dates. One boomer-teen's justification, 'Sneaking around and having taboo trysts add spicy elements to dating.' Really?

NOTE
Why would grown-up offspring deny their parents the joys of romance and companionship? And, why would Baby Boomer parents allow our children to treat us as if we are the children? Why indeed!

STAY TUNED
Long-married boomers ...

CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:           drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook:     facebook.com/Baby Boomer Memos