Thursday, June 14, 2018

AGING BABY BOOMERS LEAP INTO REPLACEMENT RELATIONSHIPS

WELCOME TO BABY BOOMER MEMOS
BLOG #38
AGING BABY BOOMERS LEAP INTO REPLACEMENT RELATIONSHIPS

Baby Boomers know a lot. Just about all of us know several boomers who were recently widowed or divorced. We probably all know at least one who made the speedy leap into a replacement relationship. And, we all know leaps, more often than not, are frantic efforts to fill the void left by lost mates.

Mental health professionals advise those who are recently widowed and divorced to spend a full year adjusting to life without long-term partners. During this time, no life-changing decisions should be made - romantic or otherwise. 

Most boomers agree, in theory. However, in practice, quite a few new singles start serious romantic involvements before a year is up.

Depending on circumstances, it may be okay to forgo the wait. What is not okay (potentially disastrous) is doing so because we're desperate to avoid being alone.

NOTE
All too often replacement relationships are attempts to bypass the panic and pain of losing partners. Regrettably, the attempts are futile. There is no magic detour away from grief. If only there were.

STAY TUNED
Boomers Learn 21st Century Dating Skills ...

CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:              drwendykyman@gmail.com





Thursday, June 7, 2018

AGING BABY BOOMERS FORGIVE

WELCOME TO BABY BOOMER MEMOS
BLOG #37
AGING BABY BOOMERS FORGIVE

Baby Boomers who have been betrayed must forgive...ourselves.
Too many of us do the opposite; we attack ourselves.

Attacks often materialize as self-blaming rants that repeatedly play on our inner soundtracks. One common rant accuses: 'Why didn't we safeguard ourselves from being betrayed, and from betrayers?'

Preliminary answers emerge when boomers take a step back and objectively look at the totality of our circumstances at the time of betrayals. What information was available to us? Did we have supportive helping hands and resources to lift us out of our situations. Were we unwittingly following a pattern of learned behaviors?
Et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.

Forgiving ourselves is the epitome of forgiveness. The path to self-forgiveness begins by replacing internal scolding with internal (and external) nurturance, and exchanging self-blame for self-compassion. Add heaps of self-love alongside profound gratitude for what we have overcome.

NOTE
Stumbling blocks litter the self-forgiveness path. It's easy to stumble when coming across the formidable block that inspects Baby Boomers' roles in relationship betrayals. Uh-oh! Hold on tight. 


STAY TUNED
Boomers Leap Into Replacement Relationships ...

CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:             drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook:       facebook.com/Baby Boomer Memos

Thursday, May 31, 2018

WELCOME TO BABY BOOMER MEMOS
BLOG #36
AGING BABY BOOMERS RECOVER FROM BETRAYAL

A number of Baby Boomers are currently experiencing the fierce pain of betrayal. The rest of us vividly recall past painful experiences, although the sting is (mostly) long gone. Betrayals manifest in assorted ways, but the types that destroy romantic liaisons and friendships (e.g. infidelity, deception) are particularly brutal.

Healing from betrayal is a delicate process that requires self-awareness and blunt honesty, in order to gain insights into our motives and actions during relationships. Yes. The healing process puts the focus on us, not the betrayers.

Self-awareness and blunt honesty are powerful eye-openers. For example, were we really clueless, truly blindsided by betrayals? Or, did we have legitimate suspicions but, for various reasons, chose to quash them? What were those reasons? Powerful eye-openers, for sure!

NOTE
When boomers are betrayed, trust gets shattered ... and we feel shattered. Essential steps in the healing process are relearning self-trust and restoring self-confidence. Together, they boost our belief that from now on we will be discerning when selecting with whom to form new intimate bonds. Thankfully, Baby Boomers' aging wisdom gives us a head start.

STAY TUNED
Boomers Forgive ...

CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:             drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook:       facebook.com/baby boomer memos


Thursday, May 24, 2018

WELCOME TO BABY BOOMER MEMOS
BLOG #35
NEWLY-SINGLE BABY BOOMERS MAKE LIFE ADJUSTMENTS

When Baby Boomers become newly single, by choice or circumstance, our rational minds know there is a period of adjustment. What we don't know, and can't know, is how long the adjustment will take. It is impossible to predict.

Also impossible to predict is how we will adjust to single status, even if it was our choice to end marriages, even if we methodically prepared. The unexpected always happens.

Needless to say, becoming suddenly single due to unplanned circumstances, i.e. sudden death of spouse or unanticipated divorce, renders us unprepared for living solo. Although it is an uphill climb, the majority of boomers successfully adjust, albeit with lingering heartache.

NOTE
No surprise. Baby Boomers who ride the emotional rollercoaster of sudden singledom to favorable outcomes credit supportive families and friends.

STAY TUNED
Boomers Leap Into Replacement Relationships ...

CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:          drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook:    facebook.com/Baby Boomer Memos


Thursday, May 17, 2018

WIDOWED AND DIVORCED AGING BABY BOOMERS ARE SUDDENLY-SINGLE

WELCOME TO BABY BOOMER MEMOS
BLOG #34
WIDOWED AND DIVORCED AGING BABY BOOMERS ARE SUDDENLY-SINGLE

Recently widowed and divorced Baby Boomers learn, rather quickly, that there is no seamless transition out of long relationships and into singledom.

As expected, widowed boomers cope with feeling disoriented, dislocated, and grief-stricken. Widows receive outpourings of support, compassion, and sympathy. The same applies to boomers whose spouses abandon them and also to those who escape abusive, addicted, and/or unfaithful partners.

It is a different story for Baby Boomers who instigate divorces due to reasons judged, by others, as unacceptable. Although these new singles experience a measure of emotional fallout that accompanies all breakups, they rarely garner much support, compassion, and sympathy. Should they?

NOTE
Time does not totally heal all who need healing. However, time does provide a pause to step-by-shaky step gather strength, rebuild stability, and begin the process of adapting to life without a mate.

STAY TUNED
Newly-Single Boomers Make Adjustments  ...

CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:              drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook:        facebook.com/Baby Boomer Memos




Thursday, May 10, 2018

WELCOME TO BABY BOOMER MEMOS
BLOG #33
AGING BABY BOOMERS TRY DIVORCE ALTERNATIVES

In lieu of divorce, unhappily married Baby Boomers are trying out alternatives.

If we peek inside one popular alternative, appearances belie reality. To the casual observer, a couple appears to be together. They reside in the same home, share finances, as well as jointly celebrate family occasions and special holidays - more or less amiably.

In actuality, spouses live independent lives, sleep in separate bedrooms, communicate only when necessary, and are never romantically intimate.

NOTE
This alternative works best for affluent Baby Boomer couples who are able to afford houses large enough to divide into two distinct sections. Clearly, it is a challenge for couples with modest incomes and small living quarters to create separate spaces.

STAY TUNED
Newly-Single Boomers ...

CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:             drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook:       facebook.com/Baby Boomer Memos


Thursday, May 3, 2018

WELCOME TO BABY BOOMER MEMOS
BLOG #32
GREY DIVORCE UNSETTLES AGING BABY BOOMERS

Like it or not, the term 'grey divorce' (aka 'silver divorce') has made its way into contemporary jargon to symbolize Baby Boomers' sky-high divorce rates.

Plentiful theories assign plentiful reasons for boomers' plentiful divorces. A primary one suggests longevity plays a major role in marriage breakups.

Boomers are living longer than previous generations. This positive statistic is juxtaposed with the budding sense of personal mortality. Time is a dwindling commodity. Divorce is a reaction to the irresistible pressure to maximize whatever time is left, free from the constraints of marriage.

NOTE
This blunt statement is one Baby Boomer's rationale.
"My 70th birthday was the expiration date on a long, oppressive marriage. I redeemed the imaginary 'get out of jail card' and divorced so I can live in peace for however many years remain for me."
Is this an acceptable rationale or self-indulgent excuse or ... ?

STAY TUNED
Boomers Choose Divorce Alternatives ...

CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:             drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook:       facebook.com/Baby Boomer Memos