Thursday, July 19, 2018

AGING BABY BOOMERS SHATTER DATING & MARRIAGE TRADITIONS

WELCOME TO BABY BOOMER MEMOS
BLOG #42
AGING BABY BOOMERS SHATTER DATING AND MARRIAGE TRADITIONS

Long, long ago when first-wave Baby Boomers learned relationship ground rules, girls were coached to date and marry up. This was construed as women should set our sights on men who were not only older but also taller, more educated, had 'superior' career status and higher salaries. In hindsight, it is appalling that most of us didn't challenge with: 'Stop the nonsense. If women focus up, does it not imply that men should aim their focus down? Hindsight!!!

Historically, a minority of women did date and marry younger men. The significant increase in these relationships has been credited to midpoint boomers who were instrumental in toppling gender-based age-boundaries. One outcome - insulting to some, a badge of honor to others - older women are labeled: 'cougars;' younger men are: 'cubs.'

By the way: Midpointers also played a huge role in smashing gender-based disparities in education and career opportunities, and more. Impressive accomplishments.

Last-wave boomers have disregarded just about all dating, relationship, marriage traditions. In this, and other ways, last-wavers have made substantial contributions to 'The Baby Boomer Catalogue of Rebellious Acts' . 

NOTE
Anecdotal evidence suggests that age discrepancies also exist in homosexual relationships. Up-to-date comprehensive empirical research on this topic, as well as overall LBGT dating patterns, is needed.

STAY TUNED
Boomers Remarry ...

CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:     drwendykyman@gmail.com

Thursday, July 12, 2018

DO AGING SINGLE BABY BOOMERS REALLY KNOW OUR DATES?

WELCOME TO BABY BOOMER MEMOS
BLOG #41
DO AGING BABY BOOMERS REALLY KNOW OUR DATES?

Even if it has been decades since newly-single Baby Boomers last dated, everyone recollects the getting-acquainted stage of dating. Some memories are sweet; others we rather not remember.

In the here-and-now, new singles face different choices than we did when younger. During the getting-acquainted stage we now have to choose which portions of our extensive life histories to share with dates, and which to edit. Seems reasonable until we realize, despite charming flirtations and engaging conversations, our dates are also editing. 
Then, curiosity takes hold: "What are they concealing?"

Dating boomers are advised to balance a respect for privacy with the itch to know everything. Isn't it strange that our balance gets a bit wobbly as we get older? And, when have The Baby Boomers actually followed advice? 

Experienced daters have learned there is no defined timetable for mutual disclosure of unedited personal details. So, what do we do? 

NOTE
Savvy Baby Boomers view dating as an interview process. After a few lighthearted get-togethers, if commonsense and aging wisdom signal potential for a serious relationship, these boomers intensify the interviews. 

Tech-proficient boomers scour familiar and obscure online sites to uncover relevant information. Be prepared for the boomerang effect. Ouch!

Suspicious boomers begin with the savvy and tech approaches but add extremely in-depth background searches, (almost) sure potential relationship partners are hiding sordid pasts. Suspicious affluent boomers hire private detectives to conduct investigations. Those without extra funds, rely on DIY tactics.
Would you? How would you react to being investigated?

STAY TUNED
Boomers Shatter Dating Traditions ...

CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:    drwendykyman@gmail.com

Thursday, July 5, 2018

NEWLY-SINGLE BABY BOOMERS TAKE AGING BODIES ON DATES

WELCOME TO BABY BOOMER MEMOS
BLOG #40
NEWLY-SINGLE BABY BOOMERS TAKE AGING BODIES ON DATES

Long-married Baby Boomers regularly comment on one another's escalating 'brain meltdowns' (memory/communication blunders). Conversely, spouses are somewhat reticent to verbally acknowledge each other's conspicuous physical changes (weight gain, wrinkles, crinkles, sags, and bags). For now, this is how couples are growing old, together.

Single Baby Boomers meet potential romantic partners when we are ... ummmm ... already old

When recent singles imagine future romantic intimacy, too many feel timid and apprehensive about baring aging bodies to new lovers - even though we supposedly know beauty is superficial. Interestingly, anxiety about our aging minds is secondary, or barely worrisome.

At this stage of life, finding - and being - a thoughtful, kind, jovial, companionable mate is way more important than superficial looks. Right?

FOOD FOR THOUGHT 
~ Potential paramours our age have similar body-image insecurities. Boomers who choose to date younger people, well...
~ Prudent singles delay romantic intimacy until comfortable, secure, trustworthy connections have been established.
~ Humor melts awkwardness. Have fun.

NOTE
While mutual attraction is essential for romantic intimacy, it is based on idiosyncratic special somethings, not classic beauty. In fact, physical appearance is not a determinant factor in steamy, sizzling sexual relationships. Ooo-La-La!!!

STAY TUNED
Do Boomers Really Know Our Dates ...

CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:   drwendykyman@gmail.com









Thursday, June 28, 2018

AGING BABY BOOMERS LEARN 21st CENTURY DATING RULES

WELCOME TO BABY BOOMER MEMOS
BLOG #39
AGING BABY BOOMERS LEARN 21st CENTURY DATING RULES

Every decade of a monogamous marriage adds ten additional layers of rust on unused dating skills. No big deal ... until those marriages end and the now-single Baby Boomers want to re-enter the dating game.

Before re-entry, accumulated rust has to be scrubbed away. After scrubbing is done, there's another chore: adjusting our mindsets to 21st century dating rules, i.e. arbitrary guidelines, conventional etiquette, codes of 'proper behavior', et al. Whew!

Let's reminisce about 20th century rules - way, way back in time when formerly long-married boomers last dated and gender roles were definitively detailed. Accordingly, men initiated everything, from first dates (that they paid for) to marriage proposals. Women waited for landline phones to ring and either said 'yes' or 'no' to men's invitations. Do we still think those were 'the good old days?'

Boomers who are skilled in 21st century dating give mostly positive reviews. Overall, men feel a sense of relief. They applaud women making the first moves and appreciate their sharing costs of dates. Increasingly, boomer women 'enjoy the power' of initiating - when our overtures are accepted. We are not fond of rejections. Who is?

NOTE
Generally speaking, homosexual dating rules have always been more egalitarian than heterosexual rules.

STAY TUNED
Newly-Single Boomers Take Aging Bodies On Dates ...

CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:   drwendykyman@gmail.com




Thursday, June 21, 2018

AGING BABY BOOMERS LEARN 21st CENTURY DATING RULES

WELCOME TO BABY BOOMER MEMOS
BLOG #39
AGING BABY BOOMERS LEARN 21st CENTURY DATING RULES

Every decade of a monogamous marriage produces layers of rust on unused dating skills. Not a concern ... until those marriages end and newly-single Baby Boomers want to get back into the dating game.

To start, accumulated rust has to be scrubbed away. After the scrubbing is done, we have to learn 21st century dating rules. Whew!

Let's reminisce about 20th century rules - way, way back when formerly long-married boomers last dated. Then, men initiated everything from first dates (that they paid for) to marriage proposals. Women waited for landline, corded phones to ring and either said 'yes' or 'no' to invitations. Do we still think those were 'the good old days?'

Boomers who are skilled in 21st century dating give mostly positive reviews. Overall, men feel a sense of relief. They applaud women making the first moves and appreciate their sharing costs of dates. Increasingly, boomer women enjoy 'the power' of initiating - when our overtures are accepted. We are not fond of rejections. Who is?

NOTE
Generally speaking, homosexual dating rules have always been more egalitarian than heterosexual rules.

STAY TUNED
Newly-Single Boomers Take Aging Bodies On Dates ...

CONTACT INFORMATION
Email: drwendykyman@gmail.com 

Thursday, June 14, 2018

AGING BABY BOOMERS LEAP INTO REPLACEMENT RELATIONSHIPS

WELCOME TO BABY BOOMER MEMOS
BLOG #38
AGING BABY BOOMERS LEAP INTO REPLACEMENT RELATIONSHIPS

Baby Boomers know a lot. Just about all of us know several boomers who were recently widowed or divorced. We probably all know at least one who made the speedy leap into a replacement relationship. And, we all know leaps, more often than not, are frantic efforts to fill the void left by lost mates.

Mental health professionals advise those who are recently widowed and divorced to spend a full year adjusting to life without long-term partners. During this time, no life-changing decisions should be made - romantic or otherwise. 

Most boomers agree, in theory. However, in practice, quite a few new singles start serious romantic involvements before a year is up.

Depending on circumstances, it may be okay to forgo the wait. What is not okay (potentially disastrous) is doing so because we're desperate to avoid being alone.

NOTE
All too often replacement relationships are attempts to bypass the panic and pain of losing partners. Regrettably, the attempts are futile. There is no magic detour away from grief. If only there were.

STAY TUNED
Boomers Learn 21st Century Dating Skills ...

CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:              drwendykyman@gmail.com





Thursday, June 7, 2018

AGING BABY BOOMERS FORGIVE

WELCOME TO BABY BOOMER MEMOS
BLOG #37
AGING BABY BOOMERS FORGIVE

Baby Boomers who have been betrayed must forgive...ourselves.
Too many of us do the opposite; we attack ourselves.

Attacks often materialize as self-blaming rants that repeatedly play on our inner soundtracks. One common rant accuses: 'Why didn't we safeguard ourselves from being betrayed, and from betrayers?'

Preliminary answers emerge when boomers take a step back and objectively look at the totality of our circumstances at the time of betrayals. What information was available to us? Did we have supportive helping hands and resources to lift us out of our situations. Were we unwittingly following a pattern of learned behaviors?
Et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.

Forgiving ourselves is the epitome of forgiveness. The path to self-forgiveness begins by replacing internal scolding with internal (and external) nurturance, and exchanging self-blame for self-compassion. Add heaps of self-love alongside profound gratitude for what we have overcome.

NOTE
Stumbling blocks litter the self-forgiveness path. It's easy to stumble when coming across the formidable block that inspects Baby Boomers' roles in relationship betrayals. Uh-oh! Hold on tight. 


STAY TUNED
Boomers Leap Into Replacement Relationships ...

CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:             drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook:       facebook.com/Baby Boomer Memos