Thursday, October 11, 2018

AGING BABY BOOMER FAMILIES - WHAT HAVE WE DONE?

WELCOME TO BABY BOOMER MEMOS
BLOG #54
AGING BABY BOOMER FAMILIES - WHAT HAVE WE DONE?

Baby Boomers are renowned for being rebels and shattering traditions of previous generations. Now that we are older, some of us question whether every shattered tradition should be attributed to rebellious boomers.

For instance, are we actually responsible for shattering the traditional family structure and replacing it with ever-increasing rates of childless marriages, cohabitation, and single parent households?

Let's review:
First-wave boomers consider ourselves trailblazers. Yet, the majority got married and became parents in our late teens or early twenties, upholding marriage and parenthood traditions passed down from previous generations.

Certainly, there are midpoint and last-wave boomers who married and became parents in our late teens and early twenties. 

Nevertheless, a sizable segment of this group replaced the traditional family structure with alternatives, namely childless marriages, cohabitation, and singe parenthood - either by choice or circumstance. Quite a few remained single and childless, again either by choice or circumstance.

NOTE
There are boomers who refuse to accept responsibility for the breakdown of traditional family structure. 
And, there are boomers who refuse to take the blame (or credit) for any of our generation's reputed deeds and have declared independence from The Baby Boomer identity. Is this the ultimate rebellion?

RESEARCH NOTE
At present, there is a lack of research providing comprehensive statistical analyses of important information, such as: how many alternatives to traditional family structure were actually chosen and how many were due to circumstance; what were the specific choices and/or circumstances.

STAY TUNED
Boomers Become Empty-Nesters ...

CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:   drwendykyman@gmail.com



Thursday, October 4, 2018

AGING BABY BOOMERS TAKE CARE OF ELDERLY PARENTS

WELCOME TO BABY BOOMER MEMOS
BLOG #53
AGING BABY BOOMERS TAKE CARE OF ELDERLY PARENTS

Most Baby Boomers are experiencing, have experienced, or will experience a distinctive type of stress (and heartbreak) that materializes when our elderly parents need care.

This particular stress comes in waves. The initial wave strikes soon after we sense parents have become too ill or too frail to care for themselves. As difficult as that is, and with no time to recover, the knockout stress-wave hits when siblings attempt to reach consensus about caregiving arrangements. It is all so overwhelming that even harmonious siblings are susceptible to petty quarrels. If these escalate into vigorous disagreements, they usually are just momentary reactions to tension-filled circumstances.

In contrast, each stress-wave causes siblings with hostile relationships to react more harshly to each other. Typical caregiving disagreements go from bad to worse and morph into out-and-out battles.

With or without hostilities, boomers know our focus should be on doing whatever is best to alleviate parents' suffering; their wellbeing should take priority over sibling grievances.

Knowing what should be done is a good first step. The important next step is activating this knowledge into positive behavioral changes.

NOTE
Suggestion: As a loving gesture of compassion for parents, why not put sibling hostilities on hold and call a temporary truce? Think of it as a good deed that may result in a remarkable outcome ... deep-rooted wounds start to heal.
Is it possible? Maybe.
Is it worth a try? Definitely.

STAY TUNED
Boomers Shatter Parenting Traditions ...

CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:   drwendykyman@gmail.com




Thursday, September 27, 2018

AGING BABY BOOMER SIBLINGS - FRIENDS OR ENEMIES?

WELCOME TO BABY BOOMER MEMOS
BLOG #52
AGING BABY BOOMER SIBLINGS - FRIENDS OR ENEMIES?

Baby Boomers grew up in an era of larger families; most of us have siblings.

Brothers and sisters as best friends are the ... best. What is better than harmonious relationships build on life-long love, trust, and loyalty? Not much. And, there is an added bonus: When our memories get fuzzy, we are able to tap into shared histories and fill the gaps in each other's aging memory banks. Such a relief. 

Regrettably, some boomer siblings have hostile relationships, marked by bitter antagonisms and wicked feuds. Tapping into shared histories dredges up past conflicts that overshadow any semblance of relief gained from filling the gaps in each other's memory banks.

Aside from long-standing rivalries, one of the main causes of sibling disputes is money - our elderly parents' money, not our own.

NOTE
The following are examples of money-related debates, regardless of whether Baby Boomer sibling relationships are harmonious or hostile.

If parents are affluent, albeit elderly, frail, and/or ill, quarrels erupt when debating parents' wealth, e.g. how much of their money should be spent on high-priced, private caregivers and how much should be reserved for each sibling to inherit.

If parents have little or no money, quarrels erupt when debating how much of each sibling's personal funds should be spent on caregivers.

STAY TUNED
Boomers And Elderly Parents ...

CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:  drwendykyman@gmail.com

Thursday, September 20, 2018

AGING BABY BOOMERS REVIVE OLD FRIENDSHIPS

WELCOME TO BABY BOOMER MEMOS
BLOG #51
AGING BABY BOOMERS REVIVE OLD FRIENDSHIPS

The search for quality friendships has Baby Boomers reaching back in time, hoping to rekindle a few long-lost relationships.

In the past, boomers relied on school and hometown reunions to get together with childhood chums. Despite promises to keep in touch, we often lost contact - until the next reunion.

Nowadays, most boomers have embraced 21st century technology and, whenever we're in the mood, use the Internet to reunite with former pals. Of course, the results of online reunions vary.

Usually, aside from sharing jokes and photos with bygone friends, online reunions consist of sporadic check-ins to 'say hello' or occasional 'catch-up' chats. Sometimes, though, boomers get lucky and seamlessly re-establish close ties with at least one old friend. 

It's wonderful when the years apart melt away as we pick up where a friendship left off, decades ago. If we're extremely lucky, we live near enough to each other for frequent in-person contact.

NOTE
Be prepared: Some former pals may not be receptive to friendship overtures. It is a waste of precious time and energy to take rebuffs personally. It's best for Baby Boomers to move forward to the next names on our lists.

STAY TUNED
Boomer Siblings ...

CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:  drwendykyman@gmail.com

Thursday, September 13, 2018

AGING BABY BOOMERS CHOOSE BUDDIES, NOT FRIENDS

WELCOME TO BABY BOOMER MEMOS
BLOG #50
AGING BABY BOOMERS CHOOSE BUDDIES, NOT FRIENDS

Immediately after Baby Boomers update relationship criteria and de-clutter relationship closets, we glow with enthusiastic optimism. Boomers are grateful if one or two quality friends are still in our lives and anticipate adding new ones who match our requirements.

Then, reality sinks in and optimism morphs into frustrated pessimism. Why? Although our closets are nearly empty, we can't seem to muster the energy (motivation) to put in the effort (time) to re-fill them. And, although we're grateful if we still have a couple of friends, more and more boomers have lost the patience to deal with drama-fueled friend rules.

In light of those factors, there is an easier way to replenish closets. Fill the empty slots with buddy relationships. Ideal buddies are individuals who do not fulfill current requirements but match enough of them to become congenial 'playmates.'

Once boomers get used to the switch from friends to buddies, most of us enjoy the ease of relaxed, light-hearted, drama-free companionship.

NOTE
If Baby Boomers are able to limit expectations, buddy relationships will thrive. The key is recognizing where our interests coincide with each buddy, without seeking or expecting more. Doing so avoids disappointment and frustration.

STAY TUNED
Boomers Revive Old Friendships ...

CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:    drwendykyman@gmail.com 


Thursday, September 6, 2018

AGING BABY BOOMERS SEARCH FOR NEW FRIENDSHIPS

WELCOME TO BABY BOOMER MEMOS
BLOG #49
AGING BABY BOOMERS SEARCH FOR NEW FRIENDSHIPS

At first, Baby Boomers' newly de-cluttered relationship closets may feel too empty. Then we realize, clutter-free closets create room to invite a fresh crop of people into our lives. Sounds promising ... until ... boomers ask: Is it possible to find new BFFs (Best Friends Forever) to accompany us on the journey into old age?

Frankly, it is possible but not very probable. Why? As age increases, opportunities to form close friendships decrease - or so it seems. If older boomers are presented with opportunities, compared to when we were younger, friendships are slower to develop.

Building and then maintaining close bonds requires us to flex creaky social-skills muscles and make, what feels like, an enormous effort. If we do not apply sufficient effort, or pay enough attention, potential relationships fade away. How exhausting.

NOTE
Let's admit two bizarre (for us) truths. Many older Baby Boomers (1) have nestled into cozy cocoons and, therefore, (2) have grown reluctant to open our lives to unfamiliar people. Gasp!
Does this mean the unimaginable has happened? Has aging caused boomers to become guarded and cautious? Have we lost our youthful audacious, adventurous spirt? Hmmm ... maybe just a tiny bit???

STAY TUNED
Boomers Choose Buddies, Not Friends ...

CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:  drwendykyman@gmail.com



Thursday, August 30, 2018

AGING BABY BOOMERS DE-CLUTTER RELATIONSHIP CLOSETS

WELCOME TO BABY BOOMER MEMOS
BLOG #48
AGING BABY BOOMERS DE-CLUTTER RELATIONSHIP CLOSETS

When Baby Boomers de-clutter relationship closets, we unearth people who do not fit our updated criteria, i.e. traits we deem essential for the journey into old age. Oh-oh!

Is it cruel to detach from people we have outgrown, as if they are pieces of worn-out clothing that no longer fit? Cruel or not, de-cluttering is a natural part of aging. All Baby Boomers are doing it, or will do it.

As boomers accept (sort of) our mortality, we acknowledge (kind of) that our life-clocks are ticking; time is slipping away. Wise boomers maximize whatever time remains by enhancing our lives in every way possible. One way is choosing quality relationships and disengaging from those that aren't.

NOTE
Beware of the outrageous possibility that people may detach from us because we no longer fit their updated relationship criteria. How dare they!

STAY TUNED
Boomers Search For New Friendships ...

CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:   drwendykyman@gmail.com