Thursday, August 16, 2018

AGING BABY BOOMERS EVALUATE RELATIONSHIPS

WELCOME TO BABY BOOMER MEMOS
BLOG #46
AGING BABY BOOMERS EVALUATE RELATIONSHIPS

When Baby Boomers view relationships through the aging-wisdom lens, we are able to accurately identify those that enhance and enrich our lives. This ability comes in handy when we choose who will accompany us on the journey into old age.

Before making irrevocable decisions, some boomers do formal evaluations to double-check accuracy. Why not give it a try?

The following is one example of a formal relationship evaluation.
Hint: Written responses are encouraged. Writing boosts the thought process and also provides a record for future review.

(1) Compile a list of essential relationship criteria. Itemize, then prioritize, e.g. mutual love, honesty, trust, reciprocity, respect, kindness, open communication, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.

(2) Compile a list of every friend, associate, acquaintance, and romantic partner(s). (Unsurprising, family is an entirely separate subject.)

(3) Match names with essential criteria. Although one glance provides clear-cut evidence, compile two lists; one composed of those who meet all or most criteria and another of those who do not.

(4) It is decision time. Are you willing to let go of all relationships that do not meet essential criteria? Are you willing to make exceptions. Who gets exemptions? Why?

NOTE
Quality relationships enrich Baby Boomers lives and enhance wellbeing.
Negative relationships damage lives and diminish wellbeing.
Easy choice!

STAY TUNED
Boomers Analyze Relationship Choices ...

CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:  drwendykyman@gmail.com

Thursday, August 9, 2018

AGING BABY BOOMERS ASK FOR (DEMAND) RECIPROCAL RELATIONSHIPS

WELCOME TO BABY BOOMER MEMOS
BLOG #45
AGING BABY BOOMERS ASK FOR (DEMAND) RECIPROCAL RELATIONSHIPS

Baby Boomers are observing that the older we get, the less likely we are to accept lack of reciprocity in relationships. Our patience for lopsided compromising, appeasing, and accommodating has run out. Enough is enough!

Reciprocity denotes equal give-and-take. We concede on various disputed issues and our romantic partners and friends acquiesce on others. Over the course of time, not simultaneously, concessions mostly even out.

So, what happens when boomers ask for (demand) reciprocity in relationships?
We will encounter a broad range of resistance and turmoil. Resistance typically ranges from mild complaints to bitter resentment; turmoil typically ranges from constant conflicts to breakups.
What happens next is deciding whether to stay resolute or to withdraw demands. 

NOTE
As many Baby Boomers already have experienced, there are individuals in our lives who will agree to full reciprocity but do not follow through - as if we won't notice. Yes we do!

STAY TUNED
Boomers Evaluate Relationships ...

CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:   drwendykyman@gmail.com

Thursday, August 2, 2018

ARE AGING BABY BOOMERS WILLING TO COMPROMISE?

WELCOME TO BABY BOOMER MEMOS
BLOG #44
ARE AGING BABY BOOMERS WILLING TO COMPROMISE?

At this point in Baby Boomers' lives, patience for drama has waned as desire for harmony has waxed. Indeed!

Compromise plays a huge role in reducing drama and achieving harmony. Duh!
Compromise is an essential ingredient in creating and sustaining happy, fulfilling relationships. Yet, it does not guarantee 100% drama-free harmony. Double Duh!!

Then again, the older we get, the tougher it is to make concessions. Then again, boomers are astute enough to know we cannot always get our way. Triple Duh!!!
Then again, why continue to be involved in relationships that require compromises we no longer want to make?

NOTE
Quality relationships are precious, but they require effort. As Baby Boomers are discovering, we have to decide who in our current lives is worth the effort. Yup. It is decision time.

STAY TUNED
Boomers Ask For (Demand) Reciprocal Relationships ...

CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:     drwendykyman@gmail.com

Thursday, July 26, 2018

AGING BABY BOOMERS REMARRY

AGING BABY BOOMERS REMARRY

Many formerly divorced and widowed Baby Boomers are in second (third, fourth ...) marriages. The status of these unions runs the gamut from divine to debacle. Predictably, varied reasons are cited as causes for disparate results.

One of the major reasons for divine second marriages is supportive families and friends who root for these relationships to flourish and graciously welcome new mates into their social circles. Yay!

In contrast, one of the major reasons for doomed second marriages is family, mostly offspring from previous unions, who pump up tension by denouncing our new mates and undermining our new marriages. 

Boomers expect a bit of opposition from still-living-at-home youngsters who are directly affected by household changes. We are blindsided when serious opposition comes from our independent adult children, particularly if they have spouses and children of their own and/or live far away and rarely visit us.
In worst-case scenarios, unrelenting family pressures tear apart nascent marital bonds. Boo!

NOTE
Baby Boomer second marriages have higher success rates when spouses pledge to be cordial to each other's children and to MYOB (mind your own business). Patience, patience, and more patience.  
Not surprisingly, lots of boomers tell adult children to MTOB (mind their own business). Good luck with that.

STAY TUNED
Are Boomers Willing To Compromise ...

CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:      drwendykyman@gmail.com

Thursday, July 19, 2018

AGING BABY BOOMERS SHATTER DATING & MARRIAGE TRADITIONS

WELCOME TO BABY BOOMER MEMOS
BLOG #42
AGING BABY BOOMERS SHATTER DATING AND MARRIAGE TRADITIONS

Long, long ago when first-wave Baby Boomers learned relationship ground rules, girls were coached to date and marry up. This was construed as women should set our sights on men who were not only older but also taller, more educated, had 'superior' career status and higher salaries. In hindsight, it is appalling that most of us didn't challenge with: 'Stop the nonsense. If women focus up, does it not imply that men should aim their focus down? Hindsight!!!

Historically, a minority of women did date and marry younger men. The significant increase in these relationships has been credited to midpoint boomers who were instrumental in toppling gender-based age-boundaries. One outcome - insulting to some, a badge of honor to others - older women are labeled: 'cougars;' younger men are: 'cubs.'

By the way: Midpointers also played a huge role in smashing gender-based disparities in education and career opportunities, and more. Impressive accomplishments.

Last-wave boomers have disregarded just about all dating, relationship, marriage traditions. In this, and other ways, last-wavers have made substantial contributions to 'The Baby Boomer Catalogue of Rebellious Acts' . 

NOTE
Anecdotal evidence suggests that age discrepancies also exist in homosexual relationships. Up-to-date comprehensive empirical research on this topic, as well as overall LBGT dating patterns, is needed.

STAY TUNED
Boomers Remarry ...

CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:     drwendykyman@gmail.com

Thursday, July 12, 2018

DO AGING SINGLE BABY BOOMERS REALLY KNOW OUR DATES?

WELCOME TO BABY BOOMER MEMOS
BLOG #41
DO AGING BABY BOOMERS REALLY KNOW OUR DATES?

Even if it has been decades since newly-single Baby Boomers last dated, everyone recollects the getting-acquainted stage of dating. Some memories are sweet; others we rather not remember.

In the here-and-now, new singles face different choices than we did when younger. During the getting-acquainted stage we now have to choose which portions of our extensive life histories to share with dates, and which to edit. Seems reasonable until we realize, despite charming flirtations and engaging conversations, our dates are also editing. 
Then, curiosity takes hold: "What are they concealing?"

Dating boomers are advised to balance a respect for privacy with the itch to know everything. Isn't it strange that our balance gets a bit wobbly as we get older? And, when have The Baby Boomers actually followed advice? 

Experienced daters have learned there is no defined timetable for mutual disclosure of unedited personal details. So, what do we do? 

NOTE
Savvy Baby Boomers view dating as an interview process. After a few lighthearted get-togethers, if commonsense and aging wisdom signal potential for a serious relationship, these boomers intensify the interviews. 

Tech-proficient boomers scour familiar and obscure online sites to uncover relevant information. Be prepared for the boomerang effect. Ouch!

Suspicious boomers begin with the savvy and tech approaches but add extremely in-depth background searches, (almost) sure potential relationship partners are hiding sordid pasts. Suspicious affluent boomers hire private detectives to conduct investigations. Those without extra funds, rely on DIY tactics.
Would you? How would you react to being investigated?

STAY TUNED
Boomers Shatter Dating Traditions ...

CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:    drwendykyman@gmail.com

Thursday, July 5, 2018

NEWLY-SINGLE BABY BOOMERS TAKE AGING BODIES ON DATES

WELCOME TO BABY BOOMER MEMOS
BLOG #40
NEWLY-SINGLE BABY BOOMERS TAKE AGING BODIES ON DATES

Long-married Baby Boomers regularly comment on one another's escalating 'brain meltdowns' (memory/communication blunders). Conversely, spouses are somewhat reticent to verbally acknowledge each other's conspicuous physical changes (weight gain, wrinkles, crinkles, sags, and bags). For now, this is how couples are growing old, together.

Single Baby Boomers meet potential romantic partners when we are ... ummmm ... already old

When recent singles imagine future romantic intimacy, too many feel timid and apprehensive about baring aging bodies to new lovers - even though we supposedly know beauty is superficial. Interestingly, anxiety about our aging minds is secondary, or barely worrisome.

At this stage of life, finding - and being - a thoughtful, kind, jovial, companionable mate is way more important than superficial looks. Right?

FOOD FOR THOUGHT 
~ Potential paramours our age have similar body-image insecurities. Boomers who choose to date younger people, well...
~ Prudent singles delay romantic intimacy until comfortable, secure, trustworthy connections have been established.
~ Humor melts awkwardness. Have fun.

NOTE
While mutual attraction is essential for romantic intimacy, it is based on idiosyncratic special somethings, not classic beauty. In fact, physical appearance is not a determinant factor in steamy, sizzling sexual relationships. Ooo-La-La!!!

STAY TUNED
Do Boomers Really Know Our Dates ...

CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:   drwendykyman@gmail.com