Thursday, November 8, 2018

AGING BABY BOOMERS NEED HELP WITH RE-FILLED EMPTY NESTS

WELCOME TO BABY BOOMER MEMOS
BLOG # 58
AGING BABY BOOMERS NEED HELP WITH RE-FILLED EMPTY NESTS

Many Baby Boomers are re-filling empty nests with our elderly parents. The length of their stay in our homes depends mostly on their health status. Do parents need minimal attention or specialized medical treatments? Who will help with the emotional, physical, and financial costs? 

Empty-nester single boomers who are primary caregivers to ailing parents need lots of help. We cannot passively wait for it to be offered. Instead, we must actively seek support, well before collapsing from the burden of providing daily care.

Empty-Nester married boomers also need assistance but face an added dilemma. We must negotiate how to care for and give attention to elderly parents, without neglecting spouses.

Boomers who are not yet empty-nesters need help, too. The emotional, physical, and financial demands are multiplied when we take care of our parents, while children still live at home. Not only do households get crowded, but our time, attention, and money have to be divided among additional family members.

NOTE
Even if it seems impossible, Baby Boomer caregivers are required to allocate 'me-time' to alleviate at least a bit of the overwhelming stress and exhaustion. It is a mandatory requirement for all caregivers. 

STAY TUNED
Boomers Become Parents-In-Laws ...

CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:   drwendykyman@gmail.com


Thursday, November 1, 2018

AGING BABY BOOMERS RE-FILL EMPTY NESTS WITH OUR ELDERLY PARENTS

WELCOME TO BABY BOOMER MEMOS
BLOG #57
AGING BABY BOOMERS RE-FILL EMPTY NESTS WITH OUR ELDERLY PARENTS

Many Baby Boomers barely have time to adapt to adult children leaving home before recently-emptied nests are once again filled ... with elderly parents.

Are boomers receptive to these new housemates?
On one end of the spectrum are boomers who welcome parents into our homes, with goodwill. On the other end are boomers who do so out of obligation, with resentment.

Most of us fall somewhere in the middle, albeit with frequent mood swings and conflicting emotions. For example, one minute boomers have feelings of gratitude that parents are still alive and the next minute we are overcome with pangs of simmering animosity for past wrongdoings.

Despite fluctuating mindsets, parents' health status and their resultant needs largely dictate our lifestyles. Frankly, boomers can expect caring for elderly parents to become more and more emotionally demanding and physically exhausting. Plus, the
financial expenditures of caregiving can be daunting, especially if we give up jobs and devote full-time to this role.

NOTE
Baby Boomer (and other) caregivers deserve heaps of respect, appreciation, and admiration. 

STAY TUNED
Boomers Need Help With Re-Filled Empty Nests ...

CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:    drwendykyman@gmail.com


Thursday, October 25, 2018

AGING BABY BOOMERS' OCCUPIED EMPTY-NESTS

WELCOME TO BABY BOOMER MEMOS
BLOG #56
AGING BABY BOOMERS' OCCUPIED EMPTY-NESTS

The transition from active parenting to empty nesting takes time. Don't worry. The majority of Baby Boomer empty nesters adjust quite well. In fact, once boomers get used to 'house silence', we enjoy the calm and privacy of unoccupied nests.

Oh-oh! Just as boomers relax into blissful serenity, 'boomerangs' come knocking on our doors. This refers to adult children who, some time ago, had moved out of our homes - only to come back to the nest for financial support (free room-and-board) or childcare help (in-house babysitters).
Do we open our homes to them? For how long?

In contrast, numerous boomers have not yet experienced the pleasures of unoccupied nests. Instead, we are impatiently awaiting the day when fully-grown offspring finally leave and set up homes of their own. This is referred to as 'failure to launch'. 

Frankly, it works both ways. Don't we all know at least one boomer parent who will not let her children launch, using excuses, guilt, and other nefarious measures to keep them from moving away?

On the other hand, some boomers who root for grown-up children to hurry up and lauch, are amenable to their living in our homes, albeit with specific stipulations and time-limits. Stipulations and amounts of time vary, based on whenever our boomer-wisdom signals enough is enough. 

Clearly, problems arise when we have had enough, but adult children are reluctant to leave. One common solution is to set fixed timetables. Then, stick to them.

NOTE
More and more Baby Boomers have empty nests re-filled with elderly parents who are no longer able to live on their own. Good Luck!

STAY TUNED
Boomers Re-Fill Empty Nests With Elderly Parents

CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:    drwendykyman@gmail.com

Thursday, October 18, 2018

WILL AGING BABY BOOMER PARENTS EVER LET GO OF OUR ADULT CHILDREN?

WELCOME TO BABY BOOMER MEMOS
BLOG #55
WILL AGING BABY BOOMERS EVER LET GO OF OUR ADULT CHILDREN?

Most older Baby Boomer parents have raised and launched our children. Yay!

Once children reach adulthood and leave our homes, parents are expected to stop active parenting and allow them to lead independent lives. Since when have boomers done what is expected?

For example, even from a distance, some parents make our presence known by voicing opinions and offering advice about adult children's personal and work lives - whether or not our input is requested.

Boomers are not the first generation to be told our grown-up offspring are capable of living independent lives without frequent parental input. And, we're probably not the first generation to scoff, 'Preposterous.'

Boomers also scoff when alleged experts advise parents of fully-grown adults to 'let go.' To do this, we must exert self-control.
Boomer self-control ... Is that an oxymoron?

NOTE
Baby Boomer parents are cautioned to give opinions and advice to adult children only upon request. Fully letting go means no unsolicited meddling, regardless of loving intentions. Seriously???
To do this effectively, boomers need special super powers. Anyone know where to get them?


Thursday, October 11, 2018

AGING BABY BOOMER FAMILIES - WHAT HAVE WE DONE?

WELCOME TO BABY BOOMER MEMOS
BLOG #54
AGING BABY BOOMER FAMILIES - WHAT HAVE WE DONE?

Baby Boomers are renowned for being rebels and shattering traditions of previous generations. Now that we are older, some of us question whether every shattered tradition should be attributed to rebellious boomers.

For instance, are we actually responsible for shattering the traditional family structure and replacing it with ever-increasing rates of childless marriages, cohabitation, and single parent households?

Let's review:
First-wave boomers consider ourselves trailblazers. Yet, the majority got married and became parents in our late teens or early twenties, upholding marriage and parenthood traditions passed down from previous generations.

Certainly, there are midpoint and last-wave boomers who married and became parents in our late teens and early twenties. 

Nevertheless, a sizable segment of this group replaced the traditional family structure with alternatives, namely childless marriages, cohabitation, and singe parenthood - either by choice or circumstance. Quite a few remained single and childless, again either by choice or circumstance.

NOTE
There are boomers who refuse to accept responsibility for the breakdown of traditional family structure. 
And, there are boomers who refuse to take the blame (or credit) for any of our generation's reputed deeds and have declared independence from The Baby Boomer identity. Is this the ultimate rebellion?

RESEARCH NOTE
At present, there is a lack of research providing comprehensive statistical analyses of important information, such as: how many alternatives to traditional family structure were actually chosen and how many were due to circumstance; what were the specific choices and/or circumstances.

STAY TUNED
Boomers Become Empty-Nesters ...

CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:   drwendykyman@gmail.com



Thursday, October 4, 2018

AGING BABY BOOMERS TAKE CARE OF ELDERLY PARENTS

WELCOME TO BABY BOOMER MEMOS
BLOG #53
AGING BABY BOOMERS TAKE CARE OF ELDERLY PARENTS

Most Baby Boomers are experiencing, have experienced, or will experience a distinctive type of stress (and heartbreak) that materializes when our elderly parents need care.

This particular stress comes in waves. The initial wave strikes soon after we sense parents have become too ill or too frail to care for themselves. As difficult as that is, and with no time to recover, the knockout stress-wave hits when siblings attempt to reach consensus about caregiving arrangements. It is all so overwhelming that even harmonious siblings are susceptible to petty quarrels. If these escalate into vigorous disagreements, they usually are just momentary reactions to tension-filled circumstances.

In contrast, each stress-wave causes siblings with hostile relationships to react more harshly to each other. Typical caregiving disagreements go from bad to worse and morph into out-and-out battles.

With or without hostilities, boomers know our focus should be on doing whatever is best to alleviate parents' suffering; their wellbeing should take priority over sibling grievances.

Knowing what should be done is a good first step. The important next step is activating this knowledge into positive behavioral changes.

NOTE
Suggestion: As a loving gesture of compassion for parents, why not put sibling hostilities on hold and call a temporary truce? Think of it as a good deed that may result in a remarkable outcome ... deep-rooted wounds start to heal.
Is it possible? Maybe.
Is it worth a try? Definitely.

STAY TUNED
Boomers Shatter Parenting Traditions ...

CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:   drwendykyman@gmail.com




Thursday, September 27, 2018

AGING BABY BOOMER SIBLINGS - FRIENDS OR ENEMIES?

WELCOME TO BABY BOOMER MEMOS
BLOG #52
AGING BABY BOOMER SIBLINGS - FRIENDS OR ENEMIES?

Baby Boomers grew up in an era of larger families; most of us have siblings.

Brothers and sisters as best friends are the ... best. What is better than harmonious relationships build on life-long love, trust, and loyalty? Not much. And, there is an added bonus: When our memories get fuzzy, we are able to tap into shared histories and fill the gaps in each other's aging memory banks. Such a relief. 

Regrettably, some boomer siblings have hostile relationships, marked by bitter antagonisms and wicked feuds. Tapping into shared histories dredges up past conflicts that overshadow any semblance of relief gained from filling the gaps in each other's memory banks.

Aside from long-standing rivalries, one of the main causes of sibling disputes is money - our elderly parents' money, not our own.

NOTE
The following are examples of money-related debates, regardless of whether Baby Boomer sibling relationships are harmonious or hostile.

If parents are affluent, albeit elderly, frail, and/or ill, quarrels erupt when debating parents' wealth, e.g. how much of their money should be spent on high-priced, private caregivers and how much should be reserved for each sibling to inherit.

If parents have little or no money, quarrels erupt when debating how much of each sibling's personal funds should be spent on caregivers.

STAY TUNED
Boomers And Elderly Parents ...

CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:  drwendykyman@gmail.com