Thursday, December 6, 2018

AGING BABY BOOMERS AS GRANDPARENTS

WELCOME TO BABY BOOMER MEMOS
BLOG #62
AGING BABY BOOMERS AS GRANDPARENTS

According to an overwhelming majority of Baby Boomers, becoming grandparents is one of the most treasured gifts we receive for getting older. We love, love, love this role.

What boomers do not love (barely tolerate) is being told by our grandbabies' parents - adult children and their partners - that we must obey a list of rules in order to take care of (or in extreme instances be in the presence of) the little ones.

Overall, the rules consist of enlightened diapering, sleeping, and feeding instructions for infants and toddlers as well as approved and forbidden snacks and entertainment for older children. 
Blah, blah, blah ...

If boomers mention the infinite times we diapered, put to bed, fed, and entertained those now setting the rules or suggest beneficial childcare techniques we long ago used on the parents, the mocking begins with versions of 'nobody does that anymore.' It continues with a series of eye-rolls and smirks that culminate with stern admonishments to abandon all old-fashioned, obsolete, outdated, archaic (pick one) techniques.

Generally, boomers forgive the absurdity. Why? Grandchildren are worth it! Plus, let's be honest. Back when boomers were new parents we were probably obnoxious, too. Yup.

NOTE
The top priority for Baby Boomer grandparents is to take excellent care of our grandchildren. But, boomers were never good at listening to lectures and following orders. So, we lovingly tune out and occasionally break ridiculous rules. Shhhhh. It's a secret. Don't tell.

STAY TUNED
Boomer Grandparents Rearrange Future Plans ...

CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:  drwendykyman@gmail.com

Thursday, November 29, 2018

AGING BABY BOOMER IN-LAWS GET SHREWD

WELCOME TO BABY BOOMER MEMOS
BLOG #61
AGING BABY BOOMERS GET SHREWD

Let's be candid. Lots of Baby Boomer parents-in-law have lots of complaints. Mostly, we miss alone-time with our kids - either to have private chats, share activities, or just hang out - without their mates being present.

Shrewd parents-in-law advise boomers to quash complaints and build good will by ... spending alone-time with the mates, not our children! If boomers are fond of them, it's easier to make an effort to find common ground and mutual interests.

If we are not fond of our daughters- and sons-in-law, disgruntled boomers are advised to give award-winning performances. In other words, put on a happy face and pretend to be gracious. When the act starts to fade and inner groans float close to the surface, make a graceful exit and go home. Then, and only then, privately release pent-up feelings in a spectacular rant.

NOTE
Is playacting phony? Yes. Is it for a good cause and in our best interests? Yes. Shrewd parents-in-law remind Baby Boomers that our children and their mates will be the parents of our future grand babies and - like it or not - will control access to them. We want unlimited access. Grumble! Grumble! Grumble!

STAY TUNED
Boomer Grandparents ... 


Thursday, November 22, 2018

WILL AGING BABY BOOMERS COMPLY WITH 'THE UNOFFICIAL IN-LAW RULEBOOK?'

WELCOME TO BABY BOOMER MEMOS
BLOG #60
WILL AGING BABY BOOMERS COMPLY WITH 'THE UNOFFICIAL IN-LAW RULEBOOK?'

Stepping into the role of parent-in-law is not always smooth sailing. It's a rare Baby Boomer who flawlessly avoids common blunders. 'Flawless' parents-in-law purportedly comply with an extensive list of DOs And DON'Ts cited in an imaginary 'Unofficial In-Law Rulebook.'

In case you're wondering, muttering profanities are typical responses to the following examples of so-called rules. Let 'em rip!

DO 
~ Give up control. Prove it by respecting adult children's independence and whom they choose as mates.
~ Show consideration for boundaries set by offspring and their mates. For example, wait for invitations to their homes instead of spontaneously dropping by.
~ Limit phone calls and texts to avoid being a pesky nuisance.
Yada, Yada, Yada ...

DON'T
~ Interfere by voicing unasked-for opinions or advice.
~ Get insulted if kids call only when it's convenient for them, such as while they're commuting to-and-from work or taking dogs for long walks.
~ Misuse keys to children's homes. If parents are given house keys - for emergency use only - never betray trust by randomly entering their residences when there are no emergencies.

NOTE
Will Baby Boomers comply with 'The In-Law Rulebook?' It depends. The more boomers like our daughters- and sons-in-law, the more effort we make to ensure our kids are happy and have harmonious relationships.

Conversely, boomers who dislike children's mates are not motivated to put much effort into the parent-in-law role. Moreover, some of these boomers believe parents' happiness takes precedence over children's. Do you agree? Disagree? 

STAY TUNED
Boomers Miss Our Adult Children ...

CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:  drwendykyman@gmail.com



Thursday, November 15, 2018

AGING BABY BOOMERS BECOME PARENTS-IN-LAW

WELCOME TO BABY BOOMER MEMOS
BLOG #59
AGING BABY BOOMERS BECOME PARENTS-IN-LAW

Baby Boomers rejoice ... or ... weep when we become parents-in-law. Reactions mostly depend on whom our adult children have chosen as life-mates.

Best-Case Scenario: Boomers approve of, and get along well with, our children's mates. We judge them 'worthy' partners for our offspring and cheerfully take on the role of in-laws. Heartwarming.

Worst-Case Scenario: Boomers disapprove of, and do not get along with, our children's mates. We judge them 'unworthy' partners for our offspring and begrudgingly take on the role of in-laws. Heartbreaking.

Some boomers wince at the word judge, claiming it implies unkindness. In this case, let's set aside implications and focus on reality. Parents do assess and evaluate the merits of partners; we do make judgements, i.e. judge. In our defense, it is done out of love for our kids. Exactly.

NOTE
Baby Boomers who have tense relationships with our children's mates eventually will have to make a monumental decision. Do we diffuse or escalate tensions?
Hint: It is never a good idea to put offspring in the position to choose sides - parents or partners. Usually, parents lose. Ouch!

STAY TUNED
Parent-in-law DOs and DON'Ts ...

CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:  drwendykyman@gmail.com




Thursday, November 8, 2018

AGING BABY BOOMERS NEED HELP WITH RE-FILLED EMPTY NESTS

WELCOME TO BABY BOOMER MEMOS
BLOG # 58
AGING BABY BOOMERS NEED HELP WITH RE-FILLED EMPTY NESTS

Many Baby Boomers are re-filling empty nests with our elderly parents. The length of their stay in our homes depends mostly on their health status. Do parents need minimal attention or specialized medical treatments? Who will help with the emotional, physical, and financial costs? 

Empty-nester single boomers who are primary caregivers to ailing parents need lots of help. We cannot passively wait for it to be offered. Instead, we must actively seek support, well before collapsing from the burden of providing daily care.

Empty-Nester married boomers also need assistance but face an added dilemma. We must negotiate how to care for and give attention to elderly parents, without neglecting spouses.

Boomers who are not yet empty-nesters need help, too. The emotional, physical, and financial demands are multiplied when we take care of our parents, while children still live at home. Not only do households get crowded, but our time, attention, and money have to be divided among additional family members.

NOTE
Even if it seems impossible, Baby Boomer caregivers are required to allocate 'me-time' to alleviate at least a bit of the overwhelming stress and exhaustion. It is a mandatory requirement for all caregivers. 

STAY TUNED
Boomers Become Parents-In-Laws ...

CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:   drwendykyman@gmail.com


Thursday, November 1, 2018

AGING BABY BOOMERS RE-FILL EMPTY NESTS WITH OUR ELDERLY PARENTS

WELCOME TO BABY BOOMER MEMOS
BLOG #57
AGING BABY BOOMERS RE-FILL EMPTY NESTS WITH OUR ELDERLY PARENTS

Many Baby Boomers barely have time to adapt to adult children leaving home before recently-emptied nests are once again filled ... with elderly parents.

Are boomers receptive to these new housemates?
On one end of the spectrum are boomers who welcome parents into our homes, with goodwill. On the other end are boomers who do so out of obligation, with resentment.

Most of us fall somewhere in the middle, albeit with frequent mood swings and conflicting emotions. For example, one minute boomers have feelings of gratitude that parents are still alive and the next minute we are overcome with pangs of simmering animosity for past wrongdoings.

Despite fluctuating mindsets, parents' health status and their resultant needs largely dictate our lifestyles. Frankly, boomers can expect caring for elderly parents to become more and more emotionally demanding and physically exhausting. Plus, the
financial expenditures of caregiving can be daunting, especially if we give up jobs and devote full-time to this role.

NOTE
Baby Boomer (and other) caregivers deserve heaps of respect, appreciation, and admiration. 

STAY TUNED
Boomers Need Help With Re-Filled Empty Nests ...

CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:    drwendykyman@gmail.com


Thursday, October 25, 2018

AGING BABY BOOMERS' OCCUPIED EMPTY-NESTS

WELCOME TO BABY BOOMER MEMOS
BLOG #56
AGING BABY BOOMERS' OCCUPIED EMPTY-NESTS

The transition from active parenting to empty nesting takes time. Don't worry. The majority of Baby Boomer empty nesters adjust quite well. In fact, once boomers get used to 'house silence', we enjoy the calm and privacy of unoccupied nests.

Oh-oh! Just as boomers relax into blissful serenity, 'boomerangs' come knocking on our doors. This refers to adult children who, some time ago, had moved out of our homes - only to come back to the nest for financial support (free room-and-board) or childcare help (in-house babysitters).
Do we open our homes to them? For how long?

In contrast, numerous boomers have not yet experienced the pleasures of unoccupied nests. Instead, we are impatiently awaiting the day when fully-grown offspring finally leave and set up homes of their own. This is referred to as 'failure to launch'. 

Frankly, it works both ways. Don't we all know at least one boomer parent who will not let her children launch, using excuses, guilt, and other nefarious measures to keep them from moving away?

On the other hand, some boomers who root for grown-up children to hurry up and lauch, are amenable to their living in our homes, albeit with specific stipulations and time-limits. Stipulations and amounts of time vary, based on whenever our boomer-wisdom signals enough is enough. 

Clearly, problems arise when we have had enough, but adult children are reluctant to leave. One common solution is to set fixed timetables. Then, stick to them.

NOTE
More and more Baby Boomers have empty nests re-filled with elderly parents who are no longer able to live on their own. Good Luck!

STAY TUNED
Boomers Re-Fill Empty Nests With Elderly Parents

CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:    drwendykyman@gmail.com